Open Letter to Woman Who Let Her Baby Suck a Pen at Baby Gap Yesterday

Dear Woman Who Let Her Baby Suck a Pen at Baby Gap Yesterday,

I want to apologize for suggesting in any way that you are an unfit mother. When I saw your toddler sucking on a pen—an open pen—I thought I was being helpful by calling it to your attention. As you'll no doubt recall, I used my most pleasant, helpful voice to say, "Oh! Excuse me, but did you know that your baby has a pen in her mouth?" Because she was facing out of her stroller and you were examining a rack of little sweaters, I figured you just didn't realize she'd somehow gotten her cute little hands on your pointy, inky pen. So you can only imagine my surprise when you glared at me and, in a voice that suggested that you occasionally eat nails and glass shards for breakfast and that perhaps I should try some, sneered, "Yes." The look on your face was one of challenge: Go ahead, I dare you to elaborate on why a pen isn't the best teething toy. I rapidly considered my possible rejoinders: "Well, then, did you know that she has ink all over her tongue and lips?" or "Shall I call DSS, or do you want to turn yourself in?" or "Phew. It's nice to occasionally be presented with obvious proof that I'm not the worst mommy in the world." Instead, I opted for what I hope was a slightly quizzical, slightly disapproving smile and a simple "Oh. OK."

I've since been thinking about this incident and realize that I was perhaps unfair. How do I know that your daughter's pediatrician didn't recommend that she add more ink to her diet? Or maybe I haven't heard about new research that suggests that sucking on dirty metal objects with sharp parts helps ease sore gums? After all, it's been a long while since I've had a teething baby. So, even if I gave you a look that could mean only one thing (i.e., I would never let my baby suck on an open pen), I want you to know that I'm willing to entertain the possibility that on your planet, babies suck on pens all the time.

Sincerely,
Karen

P.S. If you saw something alarmingly dark in your baby's diaper last night, don't worry! It was probably just ink that had finally stained its way through her little digestive track and spilled out the other end!

Comments

[dana]

let's hope she is a verbatim reader! what an idiot!

[Library Lady]

You mean I'm not the only one who reacts to stuff like that when I see it? :)

We get a lot of that in the library.My favorite is the twit who let her toddler run about while her older brother was doing a bead craft. The little angel kept putting beads in her mouth, and IF Mom noticed she would remove the bead, put the kid back down on the floor and go back to her conversation. Repeat over and over. Oyyyy!

[Margaret]

I would have done the same thing, but wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue. My mom would have felt compelled to take the pen out of the baby's mouth, and then explain why it was so dangerous. I think that you were VERY restrained. I am proud of you!

[scott]

Hopefully mom was just having a bad day and actually realizes that pens are not appropriate teething toys. If not perhaps there's a future for the little darling in Blue Man Group or something.

[Joel Altre-Kerber]

OK - I read this to my wife after I spit out a mouthful of coffee (think Danny Thomas spit-take [if you are old enough to remember this?...]) this morning.

Our friend Mary stopped by this afternoon with her 2 year old Will. As we were chatting and catching up, Will snatched up a ballpoint and smeared it all over his face - a pre Halloween misplacement of whiskers for his leopard costume! Alison and I were simultaneously mortified and hysterically laughing based on your story.

It's so easy to laugh when the children aren't your own!

I blame this on one too many viewings of "Rear Window"...

Guiltily - Joel

[Brooke]

LOVE IT!

[Liz]

You know, people often get defensive when they're wrong. The woman was clearly unconcerned with her child's well-being.

[Kathryn]

Great post.