It Finally Happened

The day has finally come, as I guess I knew in my heart it eventually would: At long last, one of my kids HAS FUCKING HEADLICE!

I was on my way into the school for a meeting when my cell phone rang. It was the nurse telling me that Steph had come in with an itchy head, and sure enough, she found a nit. She also checked me, Pete, and Julie, but we are clean, so it's just Steph. For now, anyhow.

You know, when your friends' kids keep getting lice and your own kids don't, you think to yourself lots of things:

1. I know it has nothing to do with cleanliness, but I can't help noticing that we are the only ones who haven't gotten it. We must just be awesomely clean.
2. If one of my kid does get it, I will try those all-natural remedies first and exhaust all possibilities before I resort to that Horrible Toxic Shampoo.
3. I'm very thorough and methodical, so I'll be good at combing through my kid's hair in search of every last nit.

Here's what really happens:
1. So much for that smug "I guess we just don't get lice in our family" attitude. (And as we all learned from "Arthur"—where one can always cite an episode relevant to one's experience—lice don't even like dirty hair, which is why Buster was the only one who didn't get infested.)
2. You walk into CVS and you buy whatever looks the most like "Raid Shampoo." Fuck the all-natural stuff, I want them dead.
3. Steph has more hair than any other person on the planet. It is thick and it is plentiful. It is impossible to comb through.

I washed her hair with the Horrible Toxic Shampoo and then started in with the little purple comb. It soon became clear that there was absolutely no way I could do this. It wasn't the ick factor; I just can't see anything. The nurse had scotch-taped the single nit she found to a sheet of white paper, and I could barely see it without my reading glasses. These things are tiny, and you can barely even see Steph's scalp for all that thick, luscious hair.

I started freaking out and pretty soon ended up calling the Nit-Picker (after taking out a second mortgage). She's coming tomorrow afternoon. She would have come today if I hadn't used the Horrible Toxic Shampoo. She doesn't like to be inhaling the stuff all day, and I can't blame her, so she will only come 24 hours afterward, and you have to rewash the kid's hair with normal shampoo in the meantime. I already love the Nit-Picker. If the Nit-Picker finds any nits in Pete's hair, Julie's hair, or my hair, I will hate the Nit-Picker a tiny bit at first, then I will love her again. I think I will want the Nit-Picker to move in with us.

Andy is in New York, itching vicariously for all of us.

Comments

[Kirsty]

Euuw! That lotion stuff is hideous isn't it? The general advice I give is to wash the hair as normal, then put LOADS of conditioner on and use the special comb while the hair is as slippery as possible.
I haven't had lice at all since working at the school I'm at now, but I used to get them almost every day at my last place.
Apparently they don't like some essential oils, so if I've got lice going round my class I add a few drops of tea-tree oil to my conditioner, but I have heard other people recommend rosemary or eucalyptus oil. Someone else I know used to rise her kids hair with vinegar.

It'll be interesting to hear what the Nit-Picker has to say!

[Lisa]

Welcome to the club. Just do whatever they say as far as putting away stuffed animals, washing hats, pillows. etc. This too will pass.

[Joel]

Sometimes I lament not having kids. This is NOT one of those times.

We'll be keeping our fingers crossed for you!

[Margaret]

Lice is my worst nightmare! I would be a wreck over it and just want them GONE. Like you, I would pay oodles to get it taken care of correctly and quickly. I had heard that tea tree oil shampoo was a lice inhibitor. Make sure to share what the Nit Picker tells you!

[raych]

I used to work in daycare, and we had several lice outbreaks (as will happen). It always grossed me right out and I itched for days. Anyway, these two little boys both came down with 'the lice' one day, and the next day showed up with bald, concentration-camp little heads. Their mom, a single, working mother, just shook her head and apologized for how ridiculous they looked, but she just didn't have the time to nitpick them. I loved it. They were the only two kids I would cuddle for weeks, because you KNEW they were nit-free.

All that to say that this is very gross and I'm so sorry.

[Sara]

It's not so bad- well, okay...the first time is a horror. Wait till the nit picker finds an actual bug and pulls it off her head to show you. You will want to cry, be sick and drink heavily. However, once lice becomes a part of your life you check all the time and it's less likely to become a full blown infestation.

Hang in there!

[dana]

Do you have tee tree oil? Get the Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Oil shampoo. Even if it doesn't work, it feels good. My friend put the oil behind her daughter's ears every morning as she left for school, like perfume. I found that combing the head with olive oil and sleeping with a shower cap on was very effective as well. We had quite a case of lice in my house. Lots of picking, lots of combing. I also found that the best light was the contracter's halogen light. We sat on the back porch and combed and combed. And I boiled and boiled. Lots of vacuming. Good luck. I feel your pain.

[sheila]

I highly recommend "School Time" shampoo. It's not toxic but it is designed to immobilize lice. (not carried everywhere--you'll have to google it) We actually got rid of them FAST, with no recurrence. Also, for any nit-picking you end up doing yourself, get one of those "natural light" lamps--otherwise you'll go blind.

[amy]

I'd cut my hair short short and buzz the boys. My friend whose kids got it used to put mayo on their heads with plastic bags over their scalps to smother them, then go through their hair with the comb for hours.

Then, after a couple weeks of that, they did the toxic shampoo.

So sorry, it totally sucky suck sucks.

[Carolyn]

I, too, went for the totally toxic stuff. And then obsessively vacuumed and laundered (they don't like heat, so crank up the dryer) for days. Every stuffed animal, even the favorites, took a two week "vacation" in the land of black plastic garbage bags. Fortunately we were able to contain the outbreak to just one child. I hope you can, too. What a bummer!

[Sandy]

My sympathies! Another tactic is to keep the laundry and bagging to a minimum -- just what Steph touched in the past 24 hours -- and save your energy for combing. Also, use a lint roller on any upholstered seat she sat in. We skipped the shampoo and comb-comb-combed my daughter. As you figured out by now, natural daylight and a metal comb (or medium-short fingernails)are best. Unfortunately, after a day of this, you'll see lice in your sleep. Good luck. Oh, and advice from school nurse: check other kids daily now -- and weekly (sigh) until they go to college. (PS If I remember from Globe article, the nit-picker was once a proof-reader!!)

[Chris]

Hi. I just popped in via Di's blog and read this and got so tickled. My Junior got lice so many times in elementary school that I started to think SHE was the incubus. Poor kid can't hear the term nitpick without cringing to this very day. I got so good at doing it that I seriously considered charging for my awesome nitpicking services LOL.