verbatim

Friday Fiver

1. What is the most important thing you've ever lost?
On a trip to Israel when I was 16, I lost (read: I was robbed of) my passport. I had to report the theft at the police station in Haifa and go to the embassy in Tel Aviv to get a new passport. Not fun.

2. When is the last time you lost your keys?
I lost my keys only once—in college. I stupidly left them in my raincoat, which I dumped in a big pile in the pub one night. At closing time, gone was the raincoat, gone were the keys.

3. Have you ever felt like you've lost your mind?
With three small kids? Gee, y'think?

4. Are you likely to ask for directions when lost or to continue to wander?
Ask for directions, always.

5. Numerology: reliable or just a load of bunk?
Load of bunk.

Massachusetts. You Know, the Small One on the Right.

McSweeney's continues to be not very funny, but there was a list today that got me a-gigglin' again.

It's Not for Me to Know

Yesterday's power outage had an unexpected, pleasant result: Somehow it knocked my electric garage-door opener back into shape! For months now, it has worked only temperamentally. Sometimes it would open but not close. Sometimes the light would go on. Sometimes the light would not go off. Most often it would start to close and then go back up and the light would start flashing. The only solution seemed to be to stand inside the garage and hold the button down, which gave me the heebie-jeebies. Anyhow, as soon as the power came back on yesterday, my garage-door opener went back to normal. Will life's mysteries never cease?

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Sailin' Shoes (live) - Little Feat
2. I Had a Dream - John Prine
3. Brain Cloudy Blues - Peter Keane
4. Girl from the North Country - Gove Scrivenor & John Prine
5. Party at the U.N. - Bill Morrissey
6. Buckskin Stallion Blues - Townes Van Zandt
7. Too Tight - Paul Rishell
8. 4 x 10 - Loudon Wainwright III
9. Cool 'N' Out - Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros
10. Stir It Up - Bob Marley & The Wailers

Again with the Kvetching!

A sign on the Brooklyn side of the Williamsburg Bridge proclaims "Leaving Brooklyn: Oy Vey!" The sign, bearing the Jewish expression of dismay or hurt, is intended as a way of acknowledging Brooklyn's large Jewish population. Borough President Marty Markowitz says motorists seeing it know it means "Dear me, I'm so sad you're leaving."

Movies

"Exotica" is a very strange movie that I think ultimately fails, despite some glowing reviews. The story comes together nicely, but it seems to work in fits and starts and never really establishes a comfortable rhythm. The characters are interesting, but I just didn't get enough out of them. I can't really recommend this one, although the guy who played the DJ was excellently creepy.

"Narc" should have been a "good enough" cop movie, but it just fell short on all counts. I tired quickly of Jason Patric's brooding—I had enough of him as an undercover narc in "Rush" and didn't need an encore. Ray Liotta is always fun to watch, but even he disappoints here. Oh, and the camera work was really choppy and disruptive. Don't bother.

"Cellular" should have positively sucked, but somehow it didn't. The plot is pretty far-fetched (Kim Basinger is being held for ransom; she manages to call some slacker dude on his cell phone and begs him to save her) and you never for one minute doubt what will happen, but I enjoyed it. It was clever and kind of hip. Maybe because my expectations were so low, I was pleasantly surprised. Oh, and you get to see Bill Macy, which is always a treat.

Apple Orchard Pete

Today was the first grade field trip to Honey Pot Hill Orchards. The weather was magnificent—bright, sunny, and mild. We were allowed to pick Macinotosh and Cortland apples, and they were just delicious (well, not Delicious, but you know what I mean). We had a hay ride, fed the animals, ate yummy cider donuts and drank cider, and then got back to school in time for lunch. Shortly after, the sky turned black and the wind started howling. Next thing you know, it was pelting rain and the electricity went out in the whole neighborhood, including our house and the school. It didn't come back on until about a minute before dismissal time.

A day just can't get much better than that when you're six years old.

Steady On!

There are songs I've heard a thousand times over the years and every time, I still feel moved by the lyrics. I always consider myself someone who has never been able to really "get" poetry, I'm sorry to say, but I do dig certain song lyrics. (Maybe I just need someone to sing their poems at me.) Anyhow, "Steady On" by Shawn Colvin is a song whose lyrics hit me—hard—every time I hear it.

China gets broken and it will never be the same
Boats on the ocean find their way back again
I am weaving like a drunkard
Like a balloon up in the air
I am needing a puncture and someone to point me somewhere
I'm gonna keep my head on straight
I just hope it's not too late
Open up the gate I go straight on, steady on

Steady on!

I was feeling imploded
A wooden smile, a wooden heart
Then things exploded like rockets in the dark
Now I'm pulling out splinters and I'm off to hibernate somewhere
For the nuclear winter of another love affair

'Cause he seemed like a miracle
I ate it up like cereal
But it was something like shrapnel

Steady on!

It's like ten miles of two-lane on a South Dakota wheat plain
In the middle of a hard rain
A slow boat or a fast train
I am gonna keep my head on straight
I'm gonna keep my head on straight
I'm gonna keep my head on straight

Steady on!

"I'm off to hibernate somewhere for the nuclear winter of another love affair"—now that's songwriting! Plus I love her voice and enjoy singing along with her.

Beach Boys Fans, Now's Your Chance!

From Brian Wilson:

For anyone who sends a donation of $100 or more [to help the Katrina survivors], I will call you personally and answer a question that you may have, or just say hello or whatever. Also, my wife and I will match the donation. I know that this may not work for all of you, but anything that you can afford will help and I will match it.

If anyone does this, please let me know what you and he said! (Via Boing-Boing)

Update: Several people have done it already! Read their reports here.

Shuffle? My Foot!

When I listen to music on my computer, I find that the shuffle feature on iTunes does a very good job. I get a nice random set of tunes every time (witness my eclectic Friday Random Ten every week!). But my iPod? Not so much. I swear, my iPod has favorites. For instance, I have 19 Joan Armatrading songs on my iPod, and yet out of 3000+ songs, I hear Joan at least once a day, and sometimes twice. What are the odds? I rarely go more than a few days without hearing Marshall Crenshaw doing "Cynical Girl," Emmylou Harris doing "Guitar Town," or Loudon Wainwright doing "Down Drinking at the Bar." And yet Paul Rishell pretty much never comes up, despite his very respectable 36 songs, and even James Taylor is underrepresented, with a whopping 87 songs. Anyone else notice this? What gives?

Right Smack in the Middle

Can everyone else find a spot on the top of their head that they consider the exact center? I can. Why would anyone do this, or care? I have no idea.

I Read Banned Books

It's Banned Books Week, and the American Library Association suggests we get out there and read some banned/challenged books. I for one have read quite a few of the most-often challenged books, including these: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou, The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain, Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret  and Deenie by Judy Blume, The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, The Color Purple by Alice Walker, A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle, The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, The Pigman by Paul Zindel, Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes, A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein, The Dead Zone and Carrie by Stephen King, James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl, Ordinary People by Judith Guest, Song of Solomon and Beloved by Toni Morrison, and Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. How 'bout you?

Random Memory

The other day I passed a woman in the market and we smiled and said Hi and then went on our separate ways. I have no idea who she is. We see each other around town, but our kids don't go to the same school. One time when we were both waiting for take-out at the noodle place, we even stopped to try to figure out how we knew each other, but we never came up with anything other than haunting the same stores, restaurants, and so on. There are other people like her—I see them now and then and am aware of a spark of familiarity, but that's all.

I don't know why, but I vividly remember a day in the market with my mom when I was a child; my sisters weren't there, so I must have been still young enough to not be in school. Mom passed a woman and they both smiled and said Hi and went on their separate ways. I asked my mom who the woman was, and my mom said, "I don't know, just a woman I see around." I don't know why this made such an impression on me; I guess my world was still so tiny that I couldn't imagine seeing a familiar face that wasn't someone I knew.

("Random Memory" might become a regular feature. As anyone in my family can tell you, my long-term memory is remarkably intact; my short-term memory, on the other hand . . . well, not so much.)

Book Group and Cake

Our book group finally met tonight to discuss Liars and Saints by Maile Meloy. We all enjoyed reading it well enough and wanted to know what would happen to the characters, but we all also agreed that it was entirely forgettable. None of the characters reminded us of anyone that we could really relate to, and we didn't get to know anyone all too well. So, neither thumbs up or thumbs down. In other words, don't go out and buy it, but if it's the only thing on your bedside table and you've got insomnia, by all means dig in. Next up is a classic that passed many of us by: Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert.

I made the yummiest cake for our meeting. It came out looking exactly like the photo in the book, but my own photo came out lousy, so you'll have to use your imagination (yet again). The recipe comes from The Weekend Baker by Abby Dodge.

Warm Cinnamon-Spiced Blueberry Cake

1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon table salt
6 tablespoons butter, room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2/3 cup sour cream

Topping:
3/4 to 1 cup blueberries (no more), rinsed and well dried
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Position an oven rack on the middle rung.  Heat the oven to 350°.  Lightly grease and flour the bottom and sides of a 9x2" round cake pan, tapping out the excess flour.

In a medium bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. Whisk until well blended. In a large bowl, combine the butter and sugar. Beat with an electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add the eggs one at a time and beat just until blended. Add the vanilla with the second egg. Using a rubber spatula, fold the dry ingredients into the butter mixture in 3 batches alternately with the sour cream, beginning and ending with the dry ingredients. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and spread evenly. Bake for 10 minutes.

As soon as you put the cake in the oven, make the topping. In a small bowl, combine the blueberries, sugar, flour, and cinnamon. Mix the ingredients together with a fork, lightly crushing the blueberries.  After the cake has baked for 10 minutes, sprinkle the topping evenly over the top of the cake. Continue baking until a toothpick or cake tester inserted in the center of the cake comes out clean, about 30 minutes longer. Transfer the cake to a rack to cool for 10 minutes. Run a knife around the inside edge of the pan to loosen the cake. Invert a large, flat plate on top of the cake pan and, holding both the pan and the plate, invert them together. Lift the pan off the cake. Invert a flat serving plate on the bottom of the cake and invert the cake one more time so that the blueberries are on top. Serve warm or at room temperature.

In the unlikely event that you have any left over, cover it in plastic wrap and store at room temperature for up to 5 days.

There Oughta Be a Word for It

I can't wait for The Meaning of Tingo by Adam Jacot de Boinod to come out (next March). It's a survey of foreign words that don't have an English equivalent. (The following excerpts appeared here.)

Some of the words really support popularly held stereotypes about other cultures. Count on the Italians to have a word for "a man who seizes any chance of being in close physical contact with a woman" (pomicione) and one for "a theft carried out on a bus or train (smonta) and another for "a group of prison guards who specialize in beating up inmates (squadretta). On the other hand, I wouldn't have necessarily thought of Sanskrit speakers as being the ones who would have a word for "men who worship their own sexual organs" (narachastra prayoga).

I'm thinking that moving to Russia might involve a whole lot more culture shock than I'd previously imagined; they apparently have found the need to coin words for things like "someone with six fingers" (angushti za'id) and "a dealer in stolen cats" (koshatnik).

Anyone who's ever been a waiter/waitress will appreciate the need for these words:
zechpreller (German) - someone who leaves a restaurant without paying
seigneur-terrasse (French) - someone who spends time, but not money, at a cafe

I for one could begin using the following words tomorrow:
karelu (Tulu Indian) - the mark left on the skin by wearing something tight
mata ego (Rapa Nui language spoken on Easter Island) - eyes that reveal that someone has been crying
bakku shan (Japanese) - a woman who looks as though she might be pretty when seen from behind, but isn't when seen from the front
fucha (Portuguese) - to use company time and resources for one's own purposes

And what's tingo (from the book's title)? It's from the Pascuense language, also spoken on Easter Island. It refers to "borrowing things from a friend's house, one by one, until he has nothing left." I guess neighbors are neighbors all over the world, eh?

(Via Bookslut)

A . . . What?

Oh, I can't stop giggling. Ricky posted an audio link to Dubya saying "It's in the interest of—uhh—uhh, long-term peace in the world that we—uhh—work for a free and secure and peaceful Iraq. A peeance, freeance secure Iraq in the midst of the Middle East will have enormous historical impact." I'm tittering as I type. There's lots more where that came from, here.

Hey, Dude, Didn't We Go to College Together?

I was never much interested in smoking pot (and I'm not just saying that because Mom reads my blog, really), but that didn't stop many of my college pals from partaking. And it would seem that 20+ years haven't changed things much at my old alma mater:

High Times' Top 10 Cannabis Colleges

1. University of Colorado (Boulder)
2. University of Wisconsin (Madison)
3. University of Florida (Gainesville)
4. University of Oregon (Eugene)
5. Hampshire College (South Amherst, MA)
6. University of Michigan (Ann Arbor)
7. New College of Florida (Sarasota)
8. Humboldt State University (Arcata, CA)
9. Wesleyan University (Middletown, CT)
10. University of Vermont (Burlington)

(via Grow-a-Brain)

Fried Chicken Revisited—Plus Dessert!

Well, it took 8 months, but we finally got around to trying Chris Kimball's recipe as he wrote it. It came out great.

Whisk together 2 cups buttermilk and 2 tablespoons salt in a large bowl. Add (3–4 lbs.) chicken pieces and stir to coat; cover with plastic and refrigerate for 1 hour. (Don't let the chicken soak much longer or it will become too salty.)

Whisk together 3 cups flour, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 3/4 teaspoon thyme, 1/2 teaspoon pepper, and 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder in a large bowl. Add 6 tablespoons buttermilk; with your fingers rub flour and buttermilk together until mixture resembles coarse wet sand.

Drop chicken pieces into flour and turn to thoroughly coat, gently pressing flour mixture onto chicken. Shake excess flour from each piece and transfer to wire rack.

Heat 4 cups peanut oil in large Dutch oven (it should measure 3/4 inch deep) over medium-high heat until it reaches 375°. Place chicken pieces, skin side down, in oil, cover, and fry until deep golden brown, 8–10 minutes. Remove lid after 4 minutes and lift chicken pieces to check for even browning; rearrange if some pieces are browning faster than others. (At this point the oil should be 290–300°. Adjust burner if necessary.) Turn chicken pieces over and continue to fry, uncovered, until chicken pieces are deep golden brown on the second side, 6–8 minutes longer. (Adjust burner to maintain an oil temperature of about 315°.) Using tongs, transfer chicken to paper towel–lined plate, let drain for 2 minutes, then transfer to clean wire rack. Cool chicken pieces for 3 minutes and serve.

Yum.

Then Andy got jonesing for almonds, so he made a recipe from Giada De Laurentiis. It came out very good, but the photo didn't, so you'll just have to use your imagination.

Almond Cake

1/2 cup fine yellow cornmeal
1/2 cup cake flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 stick (4 ounces) unsalted butter, softened
1/4 cup almond paste, cut into half-inch pieces
1 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar, plus more for dusting
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 eggs
4 egg yolks
1/4 cup sour cream

Preheat oven to 350°.

Grease an 8-inch round cake pan with vegetable spray.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the cornmeal, cake flour, and baking powder and set aside.

Using a stand mixer with a paddle attachment, beat the butter and almond paste on high speed until smooth, about 5 minutes. Reduce speed to low and slowly add confectioners' sugar. Mix until thoroughly combined and light and fluffy. Raise speed to high and add the vanilla extract, whole eggs, and egg yolks, one at a time. Mix until well combined. Reduce speed to medium and add the sour cream and dry ingredients and mix until just incorporated.

Pour the batter into the prepared cake pan and smooth the surface with a spatula. Bake in the lower third of the oven for 35 minutes, or until the cake is golden and pulls away from the sides of the pan. Transfer pan to a wire rack and let cool. Remove from pan and dust with confectioners' sugar.

Dinner and More "Six Feet Under"

Last night I made dinner out of Tyler Florence's Real Kitchen, which has really cute photos of him some very interesting, appealing recipes.

Herb-and-Lemon–Roasted Chicken with Smashed Broccoli and Garlic

Chicken:   
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
Zest of 1 lemon, peeled in big strips
4 garlic cloves, smashed
4 fresh thyme sprigs
2 fresh rosemary sprigs
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh chives
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh tarragon
1 lemon, sliced in paper-thin circles (Oy! Again with the lemons! By yesterday afternoon, I had just about had it with lemons—plus I don't love an overly lemon-flavored chicken—so I omitted this.)
2 bone-in chicken breasts, 8 ounces each, skin on (I used one bone-in breast half for me and three bone-in thighs for Andy.)
1/2 cup chicken stock
Juice of 1/2 lemon
1 tablespoon unsalted butter

Broccoli:   
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
Pinch of red pepper flakes
5 garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
1 bunch broccoli, about 1 pound, including stems, coarsely chopped
1 cup chicken stock
1/4 cup plain yogurt

First, start the chicken: Combine the olive oil with the lemon zest, garlic, thyme, rosemary, and bay leaves in a small pot and place over very low heat. You don't want to fry the herbs, just steep them like you're making tea. When the oil begins to simmer, shut off the heat and let it stand for 10 minutes. Pour the fragrant oil, solid pieces and all, into a bowl and put it in the refrigerator to cool.

Combine the chopped chives, parsley, and tarragon in a small bowl. Stuff 2 lemon slices under the skin of each chicken breast, along with half of the mixed chopped herbs. Put the chicken in a resealable food storage bag and pour in the cool herb oil, turning to coat really well. Toss in the remaining half of the chopped herbs, seal the bag, and refrigerate at least 5 hours or as long as all day.

Remove the chicken from the refrigerator about 15 minutes before cooking and discard the marinade. Preheat the oven to 350°. Put a cast-iron skillet over medium heat. Drizzle the bottom of the pan with olive oil and heat until almost smoking. Season the chicken with a fair amount of sea salt and pepper and put it in the pan, skin side down. Cook for 5 minutes or until the skin begins to set and crisp. Flip the chicken and brown another 5 minutes. Flip it yet again, so the skin side is down, and transfer the pan to the oven. Roast the chicken for 20–25 minutes or until cooked through.

Meanwhile, make the broccoli: Heat the olive oil in a medium pot; add the red pepper flakes and garlic. Throw in the broccoli and toss to coat in the garlic and oil. Pour in the chicken stock, cover, and let the broccoli steam for 10 minutes. When it is quite soft, pulse the broccoli a few times in a food processor. The broccoli should be partly smooth and partly chunky. Stir in the yogurt to give the broccoli some body and season with salt and pepper.

Transfer the chicken to a platter and keep it warm while preparing the pan sauce. Pour out all but 1 tablespoon of the rendered chicken fat and return the skillet to the stovetop. (Remember that the handle will be hot!) Add the chicken stock and lemon juice and cook over medium heat, scraping up the flavors with a wooden spoon. Cook the liquid down to a syrup, about 5 minutes. Stir in the butter to smooth out the sauce and turn off the heat.

Spoon the smashed broccoli onto two plates, lay the chicken on top, and drizzle with the pan sauce:

Looks yummy, huh? The chicken gets an amazingly brown, crisp skin on it. I'm not a big fan of tarragon, but I did use it because the recipe called for it. Turns out I still don't really like it. Next time I will leave it out, or substitute a different herb. I didn't miss the lemons at all, but those of you who like lemony chicken will surely want to use them. I loved the broccoli mash, although next time I won't bother with the yogurt. It added a slight tang to the flavor that I didn't care for, and I don't think it was necessary to give the broccoli "body." So, to sum up, I will definitely make this again, but with a few tweaks.

Meanwhile, we continue to plow through "Six Feet Under." I still enjoy it, but Andy is losing interest.

Another Chance to Eat Well and Donate at the Same Time

"Restaurants for Relief" is another group of restaurants (in this case, mostly not chains) pledging to donate their take on a given night to the Katrina survivors. Go here for details. (Via Leah)

Friday Fiver

Sell your soul for complete control

1. What kind of lighting is around you?
Just what's coming in the window to my right. I have terrible lighting in my office, something I've been meaning to remedy....

2. What do you think of your singing voice?
"Atrocious" doesn't even come close. The only person with a worse singing voice is Andy—and it's way worse, I assure you.

3. Who do you try to please?
Everyone, as long as I can still be me.

4. Describe your last dream.
I don't remember my dreams. Ever.

5. When is the last time you bought flowers?
Last week I bought some pretty gerbera daisies and roses at Trader Joe's.

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Wanda and Duane (live) - Marshall Crenshaw   
2. Red Rocking Chair - Doc & Merle Watson
3. I'll Be All Right -  Jorma Kaukonen & Tom Hobson
4. Graffiti Limbo - Michelle Shocked
5. Can't Find My Way Home (live) - Bonnie Raitt, John Hammond, & Lowell George
6. Sailing Shoes/Julia/Sneaking Sally Through The Alley  - Robert Palmer   
7. Fig Leaf Rag - Scott Joplin (don't know who's playing)
8. Can't Stop Thinking About You (live) - Martin Sexton
9. One Red Rose - John Prine
10. A Apolitical Blues - Little Feat

Lemon Drinks

With not too many more than the requisite 80 days left until holiday gift-giving time (Did you know that the first night of Hanukkah falls on Christmas this year?), I realized that I'd better a get move on a big batch of limoncello. The complete recipe is here; I'll just show highlights from Part 1:

	The 5-lb. bag of lemons from Costco.
	The lemon peels—sans pith!—in the bottom of the big jar. Not shown: The cramped hands resulting from peeling all the lemons.
	The aforementioned lemon peels covered in 750 ml of 100-proof vodka.

Stay tuned for Part 2, in 40 days.

But wait! There's more!

	The lemon juice, nearly a quart. Not shown: The cramped hands resulting from juicing all the lemons. And as we all know, when life gives you lemons...
	...make lemonade!

Make a simple syrup by cooking 1/2 cup water and 2 cups sugar just until the sugar dissolves. Stir until smooth. Mix with lots of lemon juice (24–32 oz.) and stir again. Keep in fridge until children demand lemonade (or look so cute sitting there with their snacks that you want to surprise them). Mix about 3 parts cold water/ice with 1 part lemon syrup, depending on how sweet or tart your kids like their lemonade. Get kissed by happy kids. (Oh, and you can keep the rest of the lemon syrup in the fridge for a repeat performance.)

Friday's Feast

Appetizer: Name something someone has done lately that impressed you.
I heard that Oprah Winfrey donated $10 million to help the Katrina survivors. I know that she's practically made of money, but so are lots of other people (cough cough entire Bush family cough cough) and I haven't heard of anyone giving that much out of their personal coffers. Good for her, I say!

Soup: Do you have any relaxing rituals? If so, what are they?
A cocktail with Andy at the end of a long day just works some kind of magic. Similarly, a nice bottle of wine with dinner can often erase a full 12 hours that somehow seemed both hectic and tedious at the same time.

Salad: If you could spend the winter season somewhere other than your current location, where would you choose to stay?
Gosh, I'm such a homebody* that I can't really imagine living anywhere else. I also don't think I'd ever want to live somewhere that's very hot. So, I guess, that leaves somewhere like San Francisco.
*If I were into astrology, I would present a long treatise here on what a classic Taurus personality I have.

Main Course: When was the last time you had dinner out, and what was the name of the restaurant?
We haven't been out in altogether too long. I think the last time we ate out was at the Cape, when my parents babysat and we ate at the Fishmonger in Wood's Hole. That was in early August! Yikes!

Dessert: If you had a boat, what would you name it?
I've been thinking about this all morning and still have absolutely no idea. Suggestions, anyone?

WWRD?*

*What Would Republicans Do?

In order to pay for the Katrina disaster relief, you could do one of the following:

1. Roll back the 2001 and 2003 tax cuts that apply to only the wealthiest 1% of Americans. (That would, by the way, even leave a little cash left over for something else.)

2. Freeze funding for the Peace Corps and the Global AIDS Initiative, eliminate the EnergyStar program, eliminate state grants for safe and drug-free schools and the teen funding portion of Title X (which provides free and reduced-price contraceptives to poor teenagers), eliminate funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and the National Endowment for the Arts, eliminate subsidized student loans for graduate students, and close schools for the children of soldiers. (This is, by the way, far from an all-inclusive list.)

BAFAB!

Hey, week after next is Buy-a-Friend-a-Book week! I just heard about it, but apparently this kind of absolute insanity goes on four times a year (the first weeks of January, April, July, and October). The only catch is this:

You can't buy your friend a book because it's their birthday or they just graduated or got engaged or had a baby or anything else. You have to give them a book for no good reason. In fact, this present out of the blue from you should shock the pants off of whomever you decide to give it to. And it'll make them happy. And that's the point: promote reading, promote friendships.

I like it. I like it; it's good.

Wee-Ooo Wee-Ooo!

Whenever I pull the car over to the side of the road to allow an emergency vehicle to get by, I get this ridiculous swell of civic pride. "Look at us! We are all pulling over, because that's what you're supposed to do! Even though it's inconvenient for us, someone else is obviously having a worse morning than we are right now!" I also get a frisson of relief (that an emergency vehicle isn't rushing off to see me or my family) mixed with vicarious anxiety for whoever is in fact in trouble. I've even had my eyes well up at the thought of what potential disaster awaits the EMTs or firefighters. I hear that siren and the feelings just take over.

Eat, Drink, and Be Generous

Get a babysitter for October 5, because that's when restaurants across the country are banding together to raise money for Katrina relief efforts. Check out the Dine for America site to see which restaurants near you are participating. I'm not a big fan of chain restaurants, but I see that most of the biggies (Olive Garden, Chili's, Bugaboo Creek) are donating 100% of their profits from that day. Go ahead, you can even justify ordering dessert.

Kinky Governor Governor Kinky

Let's all move to Texas and vote for Kinky Friedman for governor. As his campaign slogan goes, "Why the hell not?" You must watch his campaign cartoon. Now.

The Force Comes to Boston

The new traveling exhibit "Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination" is starting off next month at the Museum of Science here in Boston. It looks terrific. I think Pete will be especially blown away by the real props they're bringing in, like Darth Vader's costume and the Naboo Royal N-1 Starfighter. I guess it's time to renew our lapsed museum membership!

Bring Back the Disposable Bic!

It's getting scarier and scarier to buy Gillette razor blades for Andy. First it was just Mach 3, which made it sound like he could shave really, really fast! But, oh well, not quite fast enough, because now they're called Mach 3 Turbo. I keep expecting to see a little plastic spoiler on the back of the razor. And now there's this new Mach 3 Power razor blade, which I'm guessing doesn't run on diesel. Enough, already! And the other day I caught a glimpse of Mach 3 Power Nitro, which makes me imagine an eerie green light emanating from under the bathroom door when he's shaving. What's next, Mach 3 Napalm?

I'm a Winner!

I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible—specifically, Steph, Pete and Julie, for begging me to have Pop-Tarts. Looky, looky, this Pop-Tarts wrapper says I won 25 free iTunes! I am one of only 500 first-prize winners! That's kind of a nice way to begin a rainy Tuesday, wouldn't you say?

A Great Kids' Book

Last week Stephanie and I had our mother-daughter book group meeting. We read Love from Your Friend, Hannah by Mindy Warshaw Skolsky. This was Stephanie's favorite book so far, and possibly mine too, although I loved Faraway Summer too. Here's the back-cover copy:

Hannah has a problem. When her best friend moves away from Grand View, New York, in 1937, they promise to write each other. But Aggie doesn't write back at all.

Determined to find a new pen pal, Hannah picks a name out of the box on her teacher's desk. It's a boy and his first letter is so dopey, Hannah doesn't even bother to answer it. Instead she decides to write to the president of the United States. After all, her father says that President Roosevelt understand the people's problems—so maybe he can even help Hannah.

Before long, Hannah has more pen pals than she bargained for. And at last she finds the perfect pen pal—and the perfect friend—in the most unlikely place.

The whole book is told via letters to and from Hannah and FDR, Eleanor Roosevelt, FDR's secretary, her grandmother, her friend who moved away, the boy pen pal in Wichita, her aunt, and so on. It's really well written and funny. I read the whole thing in a day or two and thoroughly enjoyed it!

The Tao of Playdates

When your kids are in preschool, playdates are a pleasant experience. You strike up a friendship with another mom and then throw their kids together one afternoon to play. You chat while they share toys, the end.

Then your kids enter public school, and suddenly they're being invited to someone's house whom you've never met. You don't know the mom and dad. Do you ask if they keep guns in the house? Do you insist that they name every video they might let your kid watch? Do you hint broadly that licorice does not a wholesome after-school snack make? Do you forbid them to take your child anywhere in a car without consulting you first? Some, yes; others, not so much. Your kid comes home and jumped on a trampoline without adult supervision or played computer games the whole afternoon or reeks of the parents' cigarettes or had to accompany the friend's older sibling to an orthodontist appointment or ate three popsicles.

Then their kids come to your house. Some of them you just flat-out don't like. You don't want them to come over again. Ever. You consider trying to brainwash your child: "Gee, Mary sure is bossy!" or "Is Johnny that whiny at school?" You hope this was one of those one-playdate wonders. Other kids are so wonderful that it's easier to have them over than not. You never hear a complaint out of anyone all afternoon. You read a magazine! In your house! Full of kids! Giddy, you present them with a platter of cookies.

Sometimes a mom will ask repeatedly for a playdate, but your kid doesn't like her kid and you don't know what to say. So you make up ten million excuses until she stops asking. You feel like a total jerk.

Cookies!

Peanut Butter Chocolate-Chunk Cookies

1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
6 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate chunks

Preheat oven to 350°.

Cream butter, peanut butter, and sugars. Add egg and vanilla; mix well.

Sift flour and baking soda together. Add to butter mixture and beat until just combined. Fold in chocolate.

Form with 1 1/2-ounce scoop (about 3 tablespoons), place on parchment- or Silpat-lined cookie sheets, and flatten slightly.

Bake until golden, about 12 minutes.

Julie-Speak

Julie has the funniest way of saying things. Today we saw a little boy whacking some hedges with a big stick. Julie said, "He's branching that bush!" He was, indeed.

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. The Waltzing Fool - Lyle Lovett
2. Oh, Susannah - James Taylor
3. What Do You Want the Girl to Do (live) - Lowell George
4. Hard Times Come Again No More - James Taylor, Yo-Yo Ma, Edgar Meyer, & Mark O'Connor
5. Home by Dawn - Brooks Williams
6. Wayfaring Stranger - Eva Cassidy
7. I Will Survive - Cake   
8. Wishing on a Star - Paul Weller
9. I Am the Ride - Chris Smither
10. The Heart of Saturday Night - Tom Waits   

Friday's Feast

Appetizer: Do your closer friends tend to be male or female? Why do you think that is?
I've had close male friends over the years, but these days my closest friends tend to be other mommies. We just have the most in common right now. I still have (new and old) male friends, but we're not close in the same way as when we were students or colleagues or whatever.

Soup: If you could wake up tomorrow with a new talent, what would it be?
I've always imagined what it would be like to have an outstanding singing voice....

Salad: Name a household cleaning item that you would recommend to others.
Goo Gone. If you have sticky residue (like the adhesive gunk left behind after you peel off a price sticker) on a wine glass or a picture frame, this is the stuff for you. Dissolves all manner of goo from any surface, and smells remotely citrusy.

Main Course: What do you strive for in life?
Peace, balance, happiness.

Dessert: On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how funny do you consider yourself?
8, maybe even 9 on a good day and with the right material.

Good News—For Now

Here's some great news: Yesterday the Massachusetts legislature defeated by 157 to 39 a proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage and establish Vermont-style civil unions instead.

The problem is that at least some (although certainly not the majority) of those who voted against it did so because they consider it a "compromise" and would rather see a new amendment in 2008 that would ban gay marriage and civil unions—and anything else that seems even remotely to smack of equality. Here's what doody-for-brains Governor Mitt Romney had to say: ''I am pleased that the compromise amendment before the Constitutional Convention was defeated. Now, we can work to put on the ballot a simpler amendment that simply defines marriage as between a man and a woman."

March of the Christian Conservatives

Over at CooksTalk we're having a fun conversation about the Christian response to the movie "March of the Penguins" (hey, we don't talk about cooking all the time!), triggered by an article in Tuesday's Times.

Referring to the harsh conditions these penguins face, one guy says, "That any one of these eggs survives is a remarkable feat—and, some might suppose, a strong case for intelligent design." To which even George Will had to respond, "If an Intelligent Designer designed nature, why did it decide to make breeding so tedious for those penguins?" Why indeed.

And another guy says, "I have to say, penguins are the really ideal example of monogamy." Which is the really ideal example of something dumb to say, because the movie makes the point that the penguins featured in the movie (Emperor penguins) mate for one season only and then switch partners the next season. Some monogamy, eh? (To be fair, there are other penguins that are monogamous; last week's Wall Street Journal said they're about as monogamous as humans: "[Magellanic] penguins divorce like people, and at a higher rate after reproductive failure. Also, like people, the longer a female has been with the same mate (17 years is the record), the less enthusiastically she responds to his call at the start of the breeding season. . . . What's important to her is to get a good nest . . . the female will check out the nest and only then look at the male."

Yet another guy says, "I could see [the movie] as a statement on monogamy or condemnation of gay marriage or whatever the current agenda is." We already discussed the monogamy fallacy; another ironic point is that some penguins (albeit not Emperor penguins) are in fact gay! And as for interpreting this nature movie as a statement on "whatever the current agenda is," well, isn't that exactly what the Christian conservatives are always doing—citing Scripture to suit their purposes?

Here's the best quote, from someone at Warner Independent (distributors of the film): "You know what? They're just birds."

The Director Who Will Film My Life Story:

Sofia Coppola

Your film will be 69% romantic, 27% comedy,  26% complex plot, and a $28 million budget.

Relatively inexperienced (The Virgin Suicides, Lost In Translation) as a director, but already highly respected and connected—her dad, Francis, directed all The Godfather movies and Apocolypse Now. Also, at last word she's dating Quentin Tarantino, so I'm sure he'll have some input into the substance of your film. Sofia's good at making the romantic drama that is your life. Who didn't have at least a lump in the throat at the end of Lost In Translation? She's already won one Academy Award for her writing, now she'll be the first woman to receive one for directing—YOUR FILM!

This test was even more bizarre than usual, but go here to find out which director will film your life story.

Lowell George, Live

I've always loved old Little Feat and Lowell George solo stuff, but lately it's like I'm hearing it all for the first time again. I downloaded a bunch of live bootleg tracks from the seventies and just can't seem to get enough of him. It occurred to me that I've never seen any Little Feat concert videos, and I like to know what someone looks like when they're singing. After a bit of Googling, I was delighted to find two clips at the Bottleneck Lounge; I particularly like the 1975 "Rock and Roll Doctor" one. Then I found a video of a 1978 concert at the Rockpalast in Germany, so I immediately added it to my Netflix queue.

More Maher

A friend mentioned another great Bill Maher quote from the other night: "Admit it, Clinton would have done a better job coordinating the relief effort than Bush . . . while having sex."

More Bad Customer Service

Last week a friend took his wife and two aunts out to dinner at Craigie Street Bistro. He said the food was fine, but unremarkable. They finished their dessert and he was still drinking his coffee when the waitress came over and asked if they could please leave because she needed the table. He said, "I'm still drinking my coffee" and she said she knew that but they really needed the table. He asked to speak to the manager, who confirmed what the waitress said. Our friend said, "Are you telling me that I just spent $400 on dinner here and you want me to leave before I've finished my coffee?" And you need to understand that this guy is not the type to linger selfishly for hours over his coffee, particularly not with his two elderly aunts sitting there. He has something like 30 years in the restaurant industry, so he's very much aware of what it means to "really need a table." And the answer is, too bad. You suck it up. You apologize and give the people who are waiting a free drink. So he vowed to tell everyone about his bad experience, and I'm helping him along.

I'll Take Almost-Four-Year-Olds for $100, Alex

Someone who didn't cry at preschool yesterday.
Who is Julie?

Someone who cried at Dr. Bhatt's office today, totally unprecedented.
Who is Julie?

Someone whose eye alignment was deemed "fantastic" by Dr. Bhatt.
Who is Julie?

Ten on Tuesday

Ten Weird Facts About Me

1. I can write forward, backward, upside-down, and upside-down backward. And with both hands. And a little bit with my feet.
2. I was raised in a normal, Jewish household and still refuse to ever eat chopped liver, gefilte fish, or lox. (Or, for that matter, tuna salad, egg salad, or hard-boiled eggs.)
3. I've never chatted via IM (I don't even have IM, as far as I know).
4. I'm afraid of clowns.
5. I sort of like institutional food (airplanes, hospitals, etc.)—albeit in a wholly different way than I like gourmet food. I think it's just the divided trays and little packets of things that get me all giddy.
6. I've never had goosebumps. I've certainly had the sensation of "the chills," but my skin just doesn't seem to do the bumpy thing.
7. By the time I was a counselor at summer camp, I was the best (female) shot at the rifle range. (It was always either me or Lauren.) In those days I had no idea what evil lurked behind all those pretty NRA patches I kept winning. Ugh.
8. I've lived outside of Boston my whole life and never once walked the Freedom Trail.
9. I once won almost $900 playing blackjack.
10. I went to a lot of Grateful Dead concerts, back in the day....

The Real Me? Not.

Your Birthdate: April 22

While sometimes employing unorthodox approaches, you are capable of handling large scale undertakings. You assume great responsibility and work long and hard toward completion. Often, especially in the early part of life, there is rigidity or stubbornness, and a tendency to repress feelings. Idealistic, you work for the greater good with a good deal of inner strength and charisma. An extremely capable organizer, but likely to paint with broad strokes rather than detail. You are very aware and intuitive. You are subject to a good deal of nervous tension.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I don't think this is terribly accurate (what a shock, eh?), particularly the broad strokes thing. I'm pretty obviously a detail gal. It should also say, "You think horoscopes are a bunch of hooey, but you still get a big kick out of them." I mean, really, according to this, everyone who shares my birthday shares my temperament. <cockney accent>Not bloody likely!</cockney accent>

Rice for Katrina

I am a big-time coupon-clipper. Today I saved nearly $20 at the market (on a $125 total) just on sale items and coupons. I don't drive around town going to different stores to buy things on sale, but I do try to stock up on sale items at my regular market and to use coupons judiciously. I figure if I'm not earning any money, then saving money is the next best thing. Plus, it makes me feel good to somehow beat the system.

Anyhow, as I was going through the Sunday newspaper's coupons, I came across one for Zatarain's rice. I don't use that product, but it caught my eye because on Saturday I'd been watching the Food Network while folding clothes and was surprised to see a Zatarain's commercial with their slogans about "a taste of New Orleans" or whatever. I kind of thought they'd pull the commercials or change them or something, in light of Katrina. But this newspaper ad—oh, my! Talk about poor taste. In big headlines: "Jazzmatazz Sweepstakes! Win a trip for 2 to Mardi Gras!" So I quickly went online and was relieved to find this:

In light of the recent events in New Orleans, our Jazzmatazz® contest grand prize will change. Originally the grand prize was to be a trip to Mardi Gras 2006. We will now work with the eventual winner to find a suitable alternate prize. We thank you for your kind words and patience, as well as your continued thoughts, prayers and support for the victims of this disaster. We also thank you for your continued support of all of your favorite Zatarain’s items.

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, Zatarain’s has provided up to 100,000 meals for those in the area. Zatarain’s is a New Orleans company, and we are going to remain in the New Orleans area, providing nearly 300 jobs for local residents. And Zatarain’s will continue to provide your family with authentic, convenient New Orleans style foods. Zatarain’s has been a New Orleans tradition since 1889 and with your support we will continue to be.

             

So, apparently it didn't occur to anyone to pull these ads, but at least they updated their web site.

George of the Bungle

Here's a transcript of Bill Maher's do-I-laugh-or-cry-at-this (mostly laugh) call for Bush to face a California-style recall election:

Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more money to spend—you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished.

Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote.

But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side.

So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: "Take a hint."

(Via Grow-a-Brain)

What a Disgrace

The Times has prepared a blistering report on the utter failure of our government to come to the aid of the Katrina victims. According to dozens of interviews, no one knew who to call to get authority to send help and/or seemed to think it was someone else's responsiblity. Trucks filled with supplies were left stranded on the side of the road awaiting paperwork. Evacuation buses were delayed. Police officers saw people dying of dehydration and heat exhaustion and could offer nothing. Firefighters from around the country were forced to spend several days in Atlanta training for community relations tasks instead of going straight to New Orleans to do what they are already trained to do: save lives. After 9/11, FEMA was subsumed under the all-important Department of Homeland Security specifically to make future disaster-relief efforts run efficiently and seamlessly. What a failure. Read this article, please.

Also, the San Antonio Express-News notes that last week, our neighbor, Mexico, sent 47 heavy-duty military vehicles across the border to help. The trucks were filled with 195 workers, including disaster specialists, as well as enough food, water, and equipment (including field kitchens, mess tents, and water treatment plants) to serve three hot       meals to 7,000 people daily for 20 days. For no reason anyone can possibly discern, these trucks were told to stay in San Antonio, where there's already plenty of clean water and food for the refugees. Apparently all foreign aid comes under the jurisdiction of the State Department, but the State Department doesn't know what to do with it:

Asked by a reporter Thursday what help the Mexican convoy would provide, [State Department spokesman Shawn] McCormack replied: "As far as I know, they're part of a transportation convoy. As for how the aid gets distributed on the ground, I think the folks at [Department of Human Services] and FEMA or [Department of Defense] would be in a better position to answer that."

But wait, it was the FEMA people who said that you would handle it....

Well, if any terrorists are interested, I think it's safe to say that we are sitting ducks in the event of another disaster, of any kind. What a disgrace.