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More Halloween Thoughts

• We sure were lucky with the weather tonight! It was unusually mild—the kids didn't even need jackets! The weather was so horrible on Saturday that I was imagining my poor kids trick-or-treating in freezing rain. But no, it turned out to be the warmest Halloween I can recall.
  
  <shudder>I was reminded of a particularly traumatic childhood memory of Halloween. We had this "gypsy dress" that had multicolored scarves and sequins all over it. One Halloween I was finally big enough to wear it (I must have been about 5), and Mom said I had to wear my parka. I refused, because it covered up most of the beautiful dress. So I ended up wearing it under the dress. A snorkel jacket. Under a strapless dress.</shudder>


• We gave out M&Ms and Skittles this year. Will someone please remind me next year not to open up all the bags of candy and dump them into the big basket? I have so much left over this year that I could easily have returned one entire bag if I hadn't opened it. I do this every year, because one year we had a ton of kids and I ran out, so now I tend to overbuy.


• Don't worry, Mir, I have still never carved a pumpkin! Next year, maybe....


• One girl came dressed as an iPod.


• Andy stole all the kids' Butterfingers, and I helped myself to a selection of red licorice and Special Dark.

Boo!

Did you hear the one about the ninja, the cat, and the rock star?

Book Group

Yesterday Stephanie and I hosted our mother-daughter book group. We read The Rabbi's Girls, an uncharacteristically disappointing book by Johanna Hurwitz. This one was just a major downer (The father dies at the end! What is this, a Disney movie?) and we moms all agreed that it read as though Hurwitz didn't really spend a lot of time or energy writing it. I guess we have officially scraped the bottom of the barrel for books that will appeal to and be appropriate for third-grade girls and have a Jewish theme (but not the Holocaust; most of us want to decide when and how to introduce that to our kids). So, until someone comes up with something we've all missed, we're going to switch to secular books. Fine by me; the last thing I want to do is have the girls sour on the idea of the book group just because we assign them lousy books!

Everything in Its Place

Julie likes to put things away. If she sees something out, she puts it somewhere. Where, though? Who knows?! One day Pete was late to soccer because it took that long to find his shin pads—in her backpack! It's no wonder she loves those IKEA boxes. Her favorite game is to put ever-smaller plastic animals in them and then present the whole set to me or Andy to open. "Oh, a hyena!" "Look, a tiny lamb!"

Well, Julie occasionally puts things away in my bed. And not pillows, either—toys! I don't know why. One time I climbed in next to a little garbage truck. Well, the other night, I let out a shriek to raise the dead when my feet connected with this lovely green and purple lizard, which, I must tell you, has a texture similar to that of a gummy-candy that has been left out in the sun. And it's big, about a foot long from nose to tail. Poor Andy was already asleep when I screamed, "There's something in the bed!" Suffice to say that he leaped out pretty quickly and flipped on the light, then started easing back the covers, asking, "What did it feel like?" "Gooshy!"

She doesn't do it as a prank; she just likes everything to be put away somewhere. Anywhere. Sigh.

Open Letter to Woman Who Let Her Baby Suck a Pen at Baby Gap Yesterday

Dear Woman Who Let Her Baby Suck a Pen at Baby Gap Yesterday,

I want to apologize for suggesting in any way that you are an unfit mother. When I saw your toddler sucking on a pen—an open pen—I thought I was being helpful by calling it to your attention. As you'll no doubt recall, I used my most pleasant, helpful voice to say, "Oh! Excuse me, but did you know that your baby has a pen in her mouth?" Because she was facing out of her stroller and you were examining a rack of little sweaters, I figured you just didn't realize she'd somehow gotten her cute little hands on your pointy, inky pen. So you can only imagine my surprise when you glared at me and, in a voice that suggested that you occasionally eat nails and glass shards for breakfast and that perhaps I should try some, sneered, "Yes." The look on your face was one of challenge: Go ahead, I dare you to elaborate on why a pen isn't the best teething toy. I rapidly considered my possible rejoinders: "Well, then, did you know that she has ink all over her tongue and lips?" or "Shall I call DSS, or do you want to turn yourself in?" or "Phew. It's nice to occasionally be presented with obvious proof that I'm not the worst mommy in the world." Instead, I opted for what I hope was a slightly quizzical, slightly disapproving smile and a simple "Oh. OK."

I've since been thinking about this incident and realize that I was perhaps unfair. How do I know that your daughter's pediatrician didn't recommend that she add more ink to her diet? Or maybe I haven't heard about new research that suggests that sucking on dirty metal objects with sharp parts helps ease sore gums? After all, it's been a long while since I've had a teething baby. So, even if I gave you a look that could mean only one thing (i.e., I would never let my baby suck on an open pen), I want you to know that I'm willing to entertain the possibility that on your planet, babies suck on pens all the time.

Sincerely,
Karen

P.S. If you saw something alarmingly dark in your baby's diaper last night, don't worry! It was probably just ink that had finally stained its way through her little digestive track and spilled out the other end!

Friday Fiver

3 x 5

1. What's the last item you mailed?
Registration forms and checks for Steph and Pete's skating lessons this winter.

2. Who has made you smile recently?
Pete, just being his usual sweet self.

3. What's the weather like outside?
Cold and raw, with rain and snow threatening.

4. Do you consider yourself a good judge of character?
Yes, but perhaps a little harsher than necessary.

5. What's your favorite photograph?
Oh, I could never pick just one. I love the little photo of Andy at about age 5, and the one of Grandma Dora I have on the mantel, and the one of me holding newborn Stephanie in the hospital, and on and on.... Family photos mean a lot to me!

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Deep Dark Truthful Mirror (live) - Elvis Costello
2. Some of These Days - Paul Rishell
3. Wild Horses (live) - Dave Matthews   
4. Fishin' Blues - The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band (featuring Taj Mahal & Vassar Clements)   
5. Picture Show (live) - John Prine
6. Funny How Time Slips Away - Willie Nelson   
7. The Swimming Song (live) - Loudon Wainwright III
8. Woodstock (live) - James Taylor   
9. Your Lips (live) - Olu Dara
10. Candy (live) - Morphine

Thems the Breaks

While waiting for Steph's yoga class and Pete's "supersports workout" to end, Julie was playing with a couple of little boys and a big bucket of spongy blocks. I didn't see exactly what happened, but a temple piece of her glasses snapped right off, not at the hinge. And she got a boo-boo right near her eyebrow where it stabbed her. I drove straight over to the optician; by some miracle he had the exact frame in stock—but in pink! Sort of like mine. He popped the lenses in, and Julie was pleased as punch. It's unclear whether the original frames were still under warranty and are even fixable (it was too late to call and find out), but I'm very happy she doesn't have to be without her glasses for even one day. Just on the ride over, I noticed her eye crossing. The optician strongly urged me to get her an extra pair of glasses anyhow, but man! They are really expensive!

Safe; Dunno About Sound

We finally heard from my parents; they are without power or phone service down there in Palm Beach County. They are eating lots of peanut butter and drinking bottled water and going to bed at 8:00. We can only hope they're thinking about coming back north for the next few weeks, or until power is restored!

Poetic Justice

Twas the night before Fitzmas, and in the White House
Every one was scared shitless, and Bush was quite soused
The indictments were hanging like Damocles’ sword
As verminous oxen prepared to be gored

The perps were all sleepless, curled fetal in bed
While visions of prison cells loomed in each head
And Dick in his jammies, and George in his lap
Were sweating and swearing and looking like crap

When out on the web there arose such a clatter
The blogs and the forums were buzzing with chatter
Away to the PC Rove ran like a flash
He booted his browser and cleared out his cache

The rumors that flew through the cold autumn air
Made Dubya shiver with angry despair
When what to his horror-filled eyes did he spy?
A bespectacled man with a brown suit and tie!

With an impartial manner that gave Bush the shits
He knew in a moment it must be St. Fitz!
With unwavering voice, his indictments they came
He cleared out his throat and he called them by name:

Now Scooter, Now Libby,
Now Blossoming Turd,
Now Cheney, dear Cheney,
Yes, you are the third
To the bench of the court
Up the steps, down the hall
Now come along, come along,
Come along, all!

He then became silent, and went right to work
He filed the indictments and turned with a jerk
And pointing his finger at justice’s scale
Said, “The people be served, and let fairness prevail.”

He then left the room, to his team gave a nod
And the sound could be heard of a crumbling facade
And we all did exclaim, as he faded from sight
“Merry Fitzmas to all, and to all a good night!”

© Daryl W.  Permission granted to repost. Please include this attribution.
(Via Grow-a-Brain)

Ch-ch-changes

Pete has pretty much always stuttered, or at least since he was around 3. He didn't even start speaking until he was about 2.5, so I always just figured he was making up for lost time and it would even out. Stephanie had had brief bouts of stuttering as her language skills developed, so I just assumed it would go away for him too. Last year I mentioned it to his kindergarten teacher, who didn't feel it was affecting him academically or socially. At the beginning of this school year, I began to notice it more and more, so I mentioned it to his first-grade teacher. She had the school's speech therapist listen in on him, and the speech therapist then recommended a more formal evaluation. I said that was fine, as long as he wasn't made to feel self-conscious about it in any way. He is such a happy kid, and he's never expressed any frustration about his stuttering—in fact, we weren't even sure he was aware of it!—that I just didn't want to create an issue for him. (One day not long ago, out of the blue, Pete asked me, "Did Daddy used to stutter when he was a kid"? I said, "I didn't know him then, but he did tell me that he used to stutter." I paused, then asked, "Do you think that's maybe why you stutter?" and he said "Yeah." I asked, "Does it ever bother you when you stutter?" and he looked at me kind of quizzically and said, "No." For the record, we learned that there is some hereditary component to stuttering.)

Anyhow, today I met with his teacher and the speech therapist to go over the results of the evaluation. They're both terrific; I'm feeling very grateful that our school system in general and our school in particular offer such great services! The speech therapist said that she never mentioned stuttering to him; she just asked him questions, showed him pictures and talked about them, and so on. She said he was completely comfortable and cooperative the whole time. Her assessment is that his stuttering is "moderate" (which was how the teacher and I had both rated it) and that he could definitely benefit from weekly half-hour sessions with her. She said that she's a "generalist" and has only a little bit of experience with stutterers (I was surprised to learn that she's had only a few in all her years there), so if by December she doesn't feel he's making progress, she would suggest we go to the "stuttering guru," a woman a few towns over who is widely regarded as the best around. That would certainly be less convenient, and I don't know whether our insurance would cover it, so I can't help hoping that the free sessions during school hours work out!

His teacher said that he doesn't seem at all bothered by his stuttering and doesn't shy away from opportunities to speak, and that none of his classmates has ever said anything about it. I'm kind of surprised that Stephanie has never mentioned it, because she doesn't miss anything. As for me and Andy, we always just wait for him to get the word out when he's stuck; we never try to finish his words for him. The speech therapist also said that rather than tell him to speak more slowly, we should model slower speech for him and also pause before answering his questions so as to slow the pace down even more. He does speak very fast, so she thinks that slowing down might help the stuttering too.

Wi-i-i-il-ma-a-a-a!

Now this is rain! Yikes. If this is just the remote remnants of Hurricane Wilma, I'm feeling even more grateful that I'm nowhere near her. I can't recall such a windy, rainy, cold day in all my life. I'm glad I was able to convince Andy to cancel his driving trip down to Connecticut and New York. Now I wish I would hear from my folks, who insisted on driving down to Florida over the weekend; last we heard they had no power and I haven't been able to reach them today.

Julie uses wind as a verb (with a short i, as in windy), synonymous with blow: "I don't like when my hair winds in my face."

Broadsheet

Salon has started a new blog aimed at women—sort of a resurrection of their old "Mothers Who Think" section, I guess.

Our aim is to cast a spotlight on news that puts women in the center, because while we've come a long way, a quick scan of bylines and stories in most major newspapers will show you that women are still not always being seen—or read. Broadsheet will be taking the ladies seriously, whether that means tracking news about how our rights are holding up, how well we're representing ourselves politically, or how the advertising world has decided to address us, what kinds of health advances are ahead of us—all the news of our (usually) two-steps-forward, one-step-back march to equality. Broadsheet is about contradictions—the fact that opinion and editorial pages are dominated by men, alongside the fact that the most powerful editorial section of all, that of the New York Times, is run by a woman, Gail Collins. That's the Broadsheet paradox: We've got problems, we've got some power, we'll talk about both.

There's a(n Unfortunate) Word for It

I subscribe to the RSS feed for A Word a Day. I find that most of the words fall into one of two categories: "already knew that one" (e.g., neologist = person who coins new words) or "too obscure" (e.g., sounder = a group of wild boars). But it's always an interesting read. I thought today's word would be really useful, because it refers specifically to the cry of a newborn. Those of you who've heard a newborn wail know that it is a completely different sound than what comes out of even a slightly older infant. Problem is, there's just no way I'm going to exclaim—while in the pediatrician's waiting room, for instance—"Wow, that sure is some vagitus!" I think the other mom would be likely to discreetly slip me her OB/GYN's card. (From the Latin vagire, to wail.)

Never Again, Blockbuster!

Remember how much Blockbuster sucks? Well, I have to say that the manager handled my situation well. He promptly cleared my account on the computer and even volunteered a $5 credit because, as he acknowledged, I should have been able to rent a video that day. But then today in the mail I got a notice from a collection agency—my first ever! (I told you I'm a nerd!)—saying that I still owe them. So I called up my buddy at Blockbuster; he claims that the notice must have been generated before I cleared up the problem.

I'm sorry, Netflix, I'll never be unfaithful again. I've learned my lesson.

Ephemeral Art

Stephanie's been waiting her whole little life to be in third grade so she could participate in the city's annual Halloween Window Painting Contest (for kids in grades 3–8). Everywhere you went yesterday, you'd see parents standing around shivering and sipping coffee and tea while their kids painted masterpieces on merchants' windows. Stephanie's came out great, and she was really pleased with herself. I was very glad we'd gone first thing in the morning, because it started raining later on. Then, horror of horrors, when Andy went to get coffee this morning, he saw that her painting and all of the others on that side of the block, had been completely washed away by last night's rainstorm. Most other paintings around town were still intact, but every now and then a few were gone. We didn't tell her; she would have been absolutely crushed. I just have to avoid that part of town with her until after they clean off all of them anyhow.

Party Time

Last night we went to a lovely housewarming party at Kathleen and Atul's. I love meeting people at a party and finding out how we're all connected to our hosts. And as soon as possible, I intend to get you the recipes for Kathleen's amazing cheese wafers and her pesto dip (which I threatened to pour into a sippy cup and just drink all night). Delish.

I'd always thought that it was a Jewish tradition to present new homeowners with bread, salt, and wine, but a little Googling revealed that it's nearly universal. Indeed, in "It's a Wonderful Life," George and Mary Bailey give the Martini family bread, salt, and wine when they buy their first house, saying:

Bread - that this house may never know hunger.
Salt - that life may always have flavor.
Wine - that joy and prosperity may reign forever.

So that's what I did.

Movies

We saw one of the best and one of the worst movies in history, back to back.

Best: If you haven't seen "Mad Hot Ballroom," do it now—it just came out on DVD. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't love this movie. It's a documentary about a 10-week ballroom dancing program for fifth graders in New York City. I just can't say enough about how wonderful this movie was. I was grinning and weeping with joy by the end.

Worst: Do not, I repeat, do not, under any circumstances, rent "Dot the I." Even if you love Gael Garcia Bernal (I'm talking to you, Nina), trust me, it's not worth it. Andy went up to bed after the first half, which was beyond trite. Then the second half turned into a "let's see how many plot twists we can create" contest. It really, really sucked.

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Wild Horses (live) - Elvis Costello & Lucinda Williams
2. Air (Bach) - Klazz Brothers & Cuba Percussion
3. Ethylene - John Hiatt 
4. Aw Heck - John Prine
5. Outside Myself - k.d. lang
6. What Do You Do (live) - Lyle Lovett
7. Sweet Is The Melody - Iris Dement
8. Down The Road - Little Feat
9. Bartender (live) - Dave Matthews & Emmylou Harris
10. Thunder Road  - Bruce Springsteen

Friday's Feast

Appetizer: Do you button shirts top-to-bottom or bottom-to-top?
Top-to-bottom. I've also been known to keep a shirt buttoned (except for the top 2 or 3) and just put it on over my head.

Soup: What is your favorite sandwich?
Probably really good chicken salad. Although grilled cheese and bacon ain't bad either.

Salad: What was a family project you helped work on as a child?
Can't think of a darn thing....

Main Course: When have you acted phony?
Sometimes when a friend is really excited about something his/her kid has done, I listen attentively and ask lots of enthusiastic questions, but I'm really not that interested—I'm just happy for my friend.

Dessert: Do you write letters or postcards? If so, to whom?
I send letters and postcards to my nieces and nephews at summer camp; otherwise, it's pretty much all e-mail these days.

Making Friends

When Julie's birthday rolled around, I told her that I'd bring cupcakes to school for her friends and that we'd have a family party with cake and ice cream and presents. Then I asked her if she also wanted all her school friends to come to our house for a kid party. She said, "No, I want all my friends to stay at they [sic] own houses." Believe me, I didn't need to be persuaded not to have to rent a long, low table and a dozen tiny chairs, buy more cake and ice cream, invent 90 minutes' worth of games and activities and crafts, fill goody bags, and then watch Julie glaze over as she opens up present after present while I'm trying to get ground-in frosting out of the carpet. No party? Fine with me.

Julie's teachers tell me that she plays very happily at school both alone and with other kids. She doesn't seem to care much whether or which kids are playing; she just does whatever activity she wants. If someone else is there, she'll play with that kid, regardless of who it is; if not, she'll play alone. She tells me about the various kids and speaks positively about most of them, but she doesn't seem to have any interest in really making friends. She's been invited on playdates a couple of times, but I could tell she didn't really want to go, so we didn't. In fact, the only playdates she's had have been with girls in the neighborhood, all of whom are a year older than she is. So I guess she is just taking her time getting into the social thing at school.

Double Shot

Julie had her 4-year-old check-up (oops, I mean well visit) yesterday and is doing great. She got a polio shot and a flu shot and didn't even flinch! I figured that the first one took her by surprise and that she'd freak out on the second one, but she barely blinked. Way braver than her mama, that's for sure.

Movies

I have a bit of a fascination with the whole undercover government assassin (UGA) thing. I don't know if these guys really exist, but I find movies about them to be exciting. Today I've got three—count 'em, three!—UGA movies to review:

"The Bourne Supremacy" - This is fun, exciting stuff, but of no real importance. Matt Damon has good screen presence, as always. You know what you're getting with a movie like this—no lofty expectations, no disappointment.

"The Hunted" - As much as I love Benicio Del Toro, he doesn't pull off the  UGA role well, and even Tommy Lee Jones disappoints here. Someone at Netflix described it as a cross between "First Blood" and "The Fugitive," which is exactly what I said while watching it; unfortunately, it takes the worst parts of both those movies and doesn't give us enough character development. Plus, the supporting actors suck, every one of them.The knife-fight scenes are so bloody, it becomes cartoonish. What a lame movie.

"Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" - I still don't know what to make of this one. Remember Chuck Barris from "The Gong Show"? Apparently he wrote an "unauthorized autobiography" claiming that while he was busy creating "The Dating Game" and "The Newlywed Game," he was also a UGA, flying around the world committing murder for the government. The movie was terrific—George Clooney (first-time director) really knows what he's doing, and Sam Rockwell was excellent in the title role. Add to that a screenplay by Charlie Kaufman, and you've got a very entertaining movie. I just still can't figure out if I believe Barris or not. Doesn't really matter, I supposed, but still.

And now two non-UGA movies:

"Y Tu Mama Tambien" - I still like Gael Garcia Bernal, but this movie wasn't nearly as "important" as I think it was trying to be. Even though there was a lot of sex in it, it wasn't even that sexy. (Also, did I read right that a certain, shall we say, climactic scene was not even included in the original U.S. release? I watched the "director's cut," and I can't imagine how the ending would have made sense without this scene. Anyone, anyone?)

"The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" - I love Wallace and Gromit. I mean, I love them. That being said, this movie was a wee bit disappointing, although possibly just because my expectations were so high. It's great fun, just not as oh-my-God- I'm-speechless wonderful as the others were. It's almost too clever and even slick. I'm certainly glad I took Steph and Pete to see it—and they loved it—but I don't feel the need to own it as I did with "The Wrong Trousers" and "A Close Shave" (and, to a lesser extent, "A Grand Day Out").

So Many Books, Absolutely No Time

As I've mentioned before, as long as these foolish book clubs keep sending me no/low-obligation introductory offers, I'll keep accepting 'em. I just received a big box from the Smart Reader Rewards club, containing The Tender Bar by J. R. Moehringer, Family History by Dani Shapiro, Saturday by Ian McEwan, The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd, On Beauty by Zadie Smith, and The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. The first five books came to $1 total; the fifth book was 50% off ($7), so now I just have to buy one more book to cancel the membership. Shipping was steep, $14.25, but that still comes out to six brand-new books for $22.25. Can't beat it. I did the same thing for the Good Cook Club last week, and had already done it once in the spring. The cookbooks that I flip through but don't end up keeping I sell on half.com. Clever, eh?

"Tree Museum"

Today I chaperoned the third-grade field trip to the Arnold Arboretum. I'm ashamed to admit that it was my first time there! (As far as I'm concerned, that's the best part about field trips—Mom gets to visit all the stuff she never got to see! I still haven't even walked the Freedom Trail, if you can believe it.) The Arboretum is a huge, gorgeous place, and the weather was just right for a fall outing: chilly, windy, and bright. Just what we needed after 8 days of rain!

Update: Forgot to mention the best line of the day. We were breaking pine needles and sniffing the aroma. One little boy said, "Mmmm! It smells like a car air-freshener!"

What a Couple!

Yesterday Andy and I celebrated our 17th anniversary! The night before, we were at a cousin's Bar Mitzvah, where a caricaturist did the rendering at left; I think he nailed Andy pretty well (despite the Leno-esque jaw) but didn't get even a hint of me. The fact that he made my dress pink (it was in fact black) and filled it rather generously on top suggests to me that he was not really paying attention to me as he was drawing! In truth, he seemed to do a better job on all the men than on the women; we found the same thing to be true when a different artist was doing caricatures at a party a few years ago. I wonder why.

A Pleasant Surprise

Catholic Church No Longer Swears by Truth of the Bible

The hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church has published a teaching document instructing the faithful that some parts of the Bible are not actually true....

Some Christians want a literal interpretation of the story of creation, as told in Genesis, taught alongside Darwin’s theory of evolution in schools, believing “intelligent design” to be an equally plausible theory of how the world began. But the first 11 chapters of Genesis, in which two different and at times conflicting stories of creation are told, are among those that this country’s Catholic bishops insist cannot be “historical.” At most, they say, they may contain “historical traces.”...

The Bible is true in passages relating to human salvation, they say, but continue: “We should not expect total accuracy from the Bible in other, secular matters.” They go on to condemn fundamentalism for its “intransigent intolerance” and to warn of “significant dangers” involved in a fundamentalist approach....

As examples of passages not to be taken literally, the bishops cite the early chapters of Genesis, comparing them with early creation legends from other cultures, especially from the ancient East. The bishops say it is clear that the primary purpose of these chapters was to provide religious teaching and that they could not be described as historical writing. Similarly, they refute the apocalyptic prophecies of Revelation, the last book of the Christian Bible, in which the writer describes the work of the risen Jesus, the death of the Beast and the wedding feast of Christ the Lamb. The bishops say: “Such symbolic language must be respected for what it is, and is not to be interpreted literally. We should not expect to discover in this book details about the end of the world, about how many will be saved and about when the end will come.”...

This is the most sensible thing I've heard in ages—particularly on this topic. (Via James)

Reely Grate Stuf on eBay

This is the sort of thing that I think is a riot: A little-known but clever way to get a great deal on eBay is to search for unintentionally misspelled items, like a "Plam Pilot." Most people aren't going to find those auction listings, so you have a better chance of getting your item for a low price. And now there's a clearinghouse site for misspelled eBay auctions! And, even better, they misspell (well, they leave out a necessary apostrophe) on their own site: "other peoples misspelled eBay auctions." Twice. (Via Boing-Boing)

Happy Birthday, Andy!

Yesterday was Andy's birthday. He had a long, crappy, rainy day, so I did my best to brighten things up for him when he got home. I splurged on a big dry-aged T-bone and opened a nice cab (1999 Kenwood "Jack London") for dinner. Then I surprised him by presenting him with a homemade fancy-shmancy double-chocolate layer cake! I'm not a big baker—or at least not for cakes— and this was by far the most ambitious cake I'd ever tried. It came out great! I was worried about the 1.5 cups of coffee in it because I don't like coffee (sorry, Nina), but you don't taste even a hint of coffee; it just serves to intensify the chocolate flavor. This is not a cake for the faint of heart; it's for people who celebrate chocolate like it's a religion.

Oh, and I also bought him his own iPod so he can keep his paws off mine so he can listen to music wherever he goes.

Friday's Feast

Appetizer: Who is someone you would consider to be a calm person?
Andy

Soup: What was your last "gut feeling" about? Were you right?
Can't mention it here, but yes, I was.

Salad: List 3 words that you really don't like how they sound.
gubernatorial, flat, banal (either way it's pronounced)

Main Course: What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use?
Currently, I'm using Origins "The Last Straw" conditioning shampoo and Collective Wellbeing Aloe/Avocado "Color MANEtenance" (Ugh, how I hate that lame pun) shampoo and conditioner. I'm eager to use up the shampoo, because I don't love it as much as I love the conditioner. I also sometimes use L'Oreal Color Vive conditioner.

Dessert: If you found out that you definitely do have a guardian angel, what would you name it?
Ma'm

Friday Fiver

1. What's your favorite animated characters?
Well, if you're talking about any kind of animation, then it's Wallace and Gromit, hands down. If you mean just drawn animation (that is, not claymation, stop-action, or computer-animated), then I'd say the Totoro "cast."

2. Violence in cartoons: funny or harmful?
Probably both.

3. Can you do any impressions?
Yes, I'm pretty good at imitating certain voices.

4. Would you consider yourself artistic?
No, not really—probably somewhere in the middle of the bell curve, maybe just a tad over onto the artistic side.

5. What's your favorite type of cheese?
For just eating plain? Maybe something like Gouda or Parrano. I love virtually all hard cheeses, will eat a few soft cheeses, and can't stand any blue cheeses.

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Can't Let Go (live) - Lucinda Williams
2. Another Long One - Shawn Colvin
3. Help Me Make It Through This Funky Day - Greg Brown
4. Felicity Rag - [composed by Scott Joplin, but I'm not sure who's playing]
5. Family Reserve - Lyle Lovett
6. Luck In My Eyes - k.d. lang
7. Our Town - Iris Dement   
8. Talk To Me While I'm Listening - Nanci Griffith
9. Lord Don't Forsake Me - Alison Krauss & Union Station
10. I'm On Fire  - Johnny Cash

Julie Mae Is 4!

I haven't been able to stop grinning all day. Julie had a terrific birthday (raw, rainy weather notwithstanding). It's such a joy to watch the totally innocent, pure delight of a little kid—or this little kid, at any rate! A single balloon can still make her happy! She got wonderful presents—and just the right number, too, because we've learned that "less is more" when it comes to kids and presents. Her big present from us was the new Playmobil Unicorn Fantasy Land:

She had cupcakes with her pals at school:

"Are you 1? Are you 2? Are you 3? Are you 4?"

and cake and ice cream at home:

"Make a wish!"

(Yes, that's a Disney Princesses cake. Yes, I know. Just forget it, OK?)

She had visits and phone calls and cards from relatives. She had a happy, happy birthday.

Guess What I Had for Lunch Today?

In January
it’s so nice
while slipping
on the sliding ice
to sip hot chicken soup
with rice.
Sipping once
sipping twice
sipping chicken soup
with rice.

In February
it will be
my snowman’s
anniversary
with cake for him
and soup for me!
Happy once
happy twice
happy chicken soup
with rice.

In March the wind
blows down the door
and spills my soup
upon the floor.
It laps it up
and roars for more.
Blowing once
blowing twice
blowing chicken soup
with rice.

In April
I will go away
to far off Spain
or old Bombay
and dream about
hot soup all day.
Oh my oh once
oh my oh twice
oh my oh
chicken soup
with rice.

In May
I truly think it best
to be a robin
lightly dressed
concocting soup
inside my nest.
Mix it once
mix it twice
mix that chicken soup
with rice.

In June
I saw a charming group
of roses all begin
to droop.
I pepped them up
with chicken soup!
Sprinkle once
sprinkle twice
sprinkle chicken soup
with rice.

In July
I’ll take a peep
into the cool
and fishy deep
where chicken soup
is selling cheap.
Selling once
selling twice
selling chicken soup
with rice. 

In August
it will be so hot
I will become
a cooking pot
cooking soup of course. 
Why not?
Cooking once
cooking twice
cooking chicken soup
with rice.

In September
for a while
I will ride
a crocodile
down the
chicken soupy Nile.
Paddle once
paddle twice
paddle chicken soup
with rice

In October
I’ll be host
to witches, goblins
and a ghost.
I’ll serve them
chicken soup
on toast.
Whoopy once
whoopy twice
whoopy chicken soup
with rice.

In November’s
gusty gale
I will flop
my flippy tail
and spout hot soup. 
I’ll be a whale!
Spouting once
spouting twice
spouting chicken soup
with rice.

In December
I will be
a baubled, bangled
Christmas tree
with soup bowls
draped all over me.
Merry once
merry twice
merry chicken soup
with rice.

I told you once
I told you twice
all seasons
of the year
are nice
for eating
chicken soup
with rice!

(The Nutshell Library, a little box that contains four tiny Maurice Sendak books, absolutely enchanted Stephanie when she was young. Eventually she lost interest, but the books stayed in her room and were never heard from again. I had completely forgotten they existed, so Pete totally missed out on the experience. Now they've resurfaced, and Julie is having a turn with falling in love with them, particularly "Pierre"—she can't get enough of my scowly, grouchy refrain, "I don't care!" But nothing, nothing, beats "Chicken Soup with Rice.")

When Life Gives You Apples

Between Pete's field trip and our family outing on Sunday, we have apples up the wazoo. Andy rarely needs encouragement to bake a pie, so yesterday he made this Apple Pie with Oatmeal-Pecan Topping from an ancient Bon Appétit (so ancient that the recipe isn't even on Epicurious, and I'm too tired to type the whole thing out). The topping makes it taste sort of like an apple crisp. Delicious warm, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top.  (Note that the half-burnt, half-missing crust perimeter is my fault. I was the one in charge of putting foil around the edges after 20 minutes in the oven, and I did a lousy job.)

I forgot to mention that on Saturday he made a ricotta pie. It turned out lighter and fluffier than he'd hoped—he likes it very thick and creamy. It's not my favorite type of dessert anyhow.

Movies

"The Interpreter" - Yet another movie that should have been much better than it was—or at least much shorter. I love Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn, and they didn't disappoint, but overall the movie didn't deliver. It's an interesting story about a UN interpreter who overhears an assassination plot, and the Secret Service stuff was pretty cool. Not a waste of time, but nothing to write home about either.

"Zelary" - I agree with the Netflix description of this movie: gorgeously shot. It tells the story of a woman who works for a Czech resistance group during WWII. She has to hide from the gestapo, so she ends up having to marry a millworker who lives in a remote mountain village. Nothing too surprising happens along the way, but it is really beautiful and touching. Please e-mail me if you have seen this movie; I have a question about the ending. It's not crucial to my understanding of the film, but I'm curious. Thanks!

"The Knowledge of Healing" - We rented this documentary because of our fascination with all things Dalai Lama, and it was pretty interesting overall although a bit too dry and scientific in the middle. The Tibetan doctor, Tenzin Choedrak, was wonderful. I liked learning about Tibetan medicine, which seems to be a mix of homeopathy and traditional Chinese herbal medicine.

Totally Worth It

Why would anyone take the family apple-picking on a chilly, rainy day? For the warm apple-cider donuts coated with sugar and cinnamon, that's why!

Happiness Is . . .

. . . a set of 12 nesting boxes, thanks to Judy, who picked them up at the IKEA in Tempe and FedEx'd them to Julie! She is in heaven. She even got up extra early this morning to play with them on our bed (thanks a lot, Judy!). I can't describe how captivated she is by this toy. She puts them all together and then takes them all apart. Lather, rinse, repeat. And all the while with a look of pure delight on her face. I was going to save them for her birthday (Wednesday), but I knew she'd really have fun with them all this (rainy) weekend—plus she'll be getting enough toys on her birthday as it is.

Curse You, Blockbuster Scum!

I think the people who can't get a job at our local Walgreen's are all employed at our local Blockbuster. After a few rainy days in a row, we've been known to venture there in search of videos for the kids (I don't let them in my Netflix queue). This time we left empty-handed because their computer seems to think that we owe them $25 or several videos rented back in August. I explained to them that I am the biggest rule-obeying nerd out there and have never returned a video late in my life and don't even want to own a Bionicles movie and blahblahblah. The high-ranking employee, a zitty pre-teen slacker dude, said he believed me but couldn't do anything about it and the manager wasn't there. Oy, this manager does not want to hear from me on Tuesday, this I can tell you. (I ended up schlepping over to West Coast Video and picked up "Toy Story 2"—terrific, as expected.)

Salty Taters

Don't these look, um, interesting? (What the heck are they, anyhow?) They're little fingerling potatoes ("Russian banana" variety) cooked in salty water until they form a crust on the outside. I got the recipe from Mr. Food Science himself, Alton Brown. He suggests serving them with pepper and/or butter and/or chopped chives; I'm not a huge fan of pepper, so I tried the butter and chives. It was good, but these little babies really don't need anything on them. Here's what you do: Put 1.25 pounds (yes, that's right!) of kosher salt, 2 quarts of water, and 2 pounds of little fingerling potatoes (scrubbed) in a big pot.* Bring to a boil, turn the heat down a tad, and then cook for 25–30 minutes, or until fork-tender. Now here comes the important part: Use a slotted spoon to transfer the potatoes to a wire rack and let them cool for 5–7 minutes to let the salty crust form. Then pop them in your mouth so happily that you briefly forget you have a grilled rib-eye waiting for you, too. Yum, yum.

*My potatoes came in a 1.5 pound bag, so I used 1 pound of kosher salt and 1.5 quarts of water. I don't think the exact proportions are too important here.

Friday Fiver

Code Blue

1. Have you ever been to the emergency room?
Yes, but only once: When I was seven months pregnant with Pete, I got pneumonia. I was coughing and wheezing and feeling as though I couldn't get a breath. Andy put me in a hot, steamy shower, but I felt as though my windpipe was seizing up. I distinctly remember thinking, in my terror, "So this is how it's going to end. I'm going to asphyxiate myself in the shower." We called the doctor, who sent us to the ER. I ended up staying in the hospital for a few days. No one wanted me, though. My OB didn't want to deal with a respiratory disease and my internist didn't want to deal with a pregnant patient. I ended up in the antepartum section of the maternity ward, which was a good place to be because they knew how to take care of a pregnant woman and I was away from other sick people. Oh, did I love that nebulizer....

2. What's the worst pain you've ever had?
Getting an epidural while in labor with Julie. So, so much worse than the contractions....

3. If you could choose your doctor, do you prefer someone of the same or opposite sex?
I don't really care one way or another. The kids' pediatrician and Julie's ophthalmologist are women, but I think all our others are men.

4. Do you take vitamins?
Oh, yes indeedy. In the morning I take a multivitamin, a B-complex, a calcium supplement, a probiotic, and a fish oil capsule; at bedtime I take two more calcium supplements and two milk thistle capsules.

5. Would you prefer to go to the doctor, the dentist, or go sky diving?
I don't mind—in fact, I sort of like—going to the doctor, as long and I'm not expecting to have anything painful done to me. I don't mind going to the dentist, but I don't actively like it. I am quite sure I will never go sky diving.

Friday's Feast

Appetizer: Name 3 qualities that are important to you in friendship.
Any friend of mine better be smart, funny, and honest.

Soup: If you could dream about anything tonight, what would the subject matter be?
I never remember my dreams, so it doesn't really matter!

Salad: Do you usually make an effort to personally thank people who do favors for you?
Always.

Main Course: If you had to go out of town for an extended period of time, who would you trust to take care of your home and belongings?
Assuming this means that Andy was going with me, I'd pick his parents.

Dessert: How do you react to practical jokes when they're played on you?
A little hurt and embarrassed, but generally with good humor.

Friday iPod Random Ten

1. Graffiti Limbo - Michelle Shocked
2. No Love Today  (live) - Chris Smither
3. The Obvious Child - Paul Simon
4. Dreaming (live) - Loudon Wainwright III
5. Deep Elem Blues (live) - Grateful Dead
6. Your Lips (live) - Olu Dara
7. Waltz with the Captain's Daughter - Cormac McCarthy
8. Third Degree - Eric Clapton
9. You and My Old Guitar - Jorma Kaukonen
10. Here I Am - Lyle Lovett

If Wishes Were Horses Horns

I wish that my car had a "mini honk" feature. Sometimes I just want to gently tap on the horn to remind the person in front of me that the light turned green twenty minutes ago or to alert the mom on her cell phone that her kid has climbed out of his stroller and is crouching next to my car as I back out. Even the gentlest pressure on my horn produces a loud BLAAAATTTTT! that is not always necessary. The other day, however, it was necessary: A car was backing up straight into me without looking. I leaned so hard on the horn that my wrist is still sore.

What Three Songs Would You Pick?

It is now official. I have heard everything:

The National Guard is offering three free iTunes to anyone who submits their contact info for recruitment. Current recruitment numbers are so low (anyone wonder why?) that they are hoping to get young people who are willing to sign up for the armed forces in exchange for three songs. Which costs $2.97.

The Army has already figured out a way to get more soldiers: Until now, they would accept only 2% of recruits who scored low on military aptitude tests. Now they'll accept 4%. So we'll have a slightly dumber armed force, but it will be big! And they'll know lots of catchy tunes!

(Via Salon)

Tom DeLay's House of Shame

Newsweek's Jonathan Alter calls the DeLay era "the single most corrupt decade in the long and colorful history of the House of Representatives." 

Never before has the leadership of the House been hijacked by a small band of extremists bent on building a ruthless shakedown machine, lining the pockets of their richest constituents and rolling back popular protections for ordinary people. These folks borrow like banana republics and spend like Tip O'Neill on speed.

I have no idea if DeLay has technically broken the law. What interests me is how this moderate, evenly divided nation came to be ruled on at least one side of Capitol Hill by a zealot. This is a man who calls the Environmental Protection Agency "the Gestapo of government" and favors repealing the Clean Air Act because "it's never been proven that air toxins are hazardous to people"; who insists repeatedly that judges on the other side of issues "need to be intimidated" and rejects the idea of a separation of church and state; who claims there are no parents trying to raise families on the minimum wage—that "fortunately, such families do not exist" (at least Newt Gingrich was intrigued by the challenges of poverty); who once said: "A woman can't take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure." I could go on all day. Congress has always had its share of extremists. But the DeLay era is the first time the fringe has ever been in charge.

Help a Little IKEA-Less Girl

We don't have an IKEA here. I've never been in an IKEA. [dramatic pause while everyone stops sobbing] We're supposedly getting one soon, but even that one isn't going to be very close to home. So, if there's anyone who lives near an IKEA and would do me a favor, I'd be very appreciative! Julie has fallen in love with a set of nesting boxes they have at preschool. She plays with them nonstop at school and talks about them nonstop at home. The teacher picked them up at the IKEA in New York and brought them back to the school, and they're not available online. If someone who lives near a real IKEA could buy them ($4.99) and send them to me, I'd be thrilled to reimburse you for the full price plus shipping. Contact me if you can help, and thanks in advance!

Already Showing Poor Judgment

Harriet Miers is the perfect candidate for the Supreme Court, except for one thing: She's not a judge. Never has been. Has no experience in the judicial branch, shall we say. And there's something else to worry about:

To quote Ricky, who first quotes the Washington Monthly:   

Harriet worships the president and has called him the smartest man she’s known.

Bush is the smartest man she's ever known? Poor Harriet Miers. Apparently, she’s only ever known one man. Just wait until she goes to the Supreme Court and gets to meet seven new men!  By lunch time the first day, Bush’ll be the eighth smartest guy she’s ever known!  Even after Clarence Thomas, that dumbass.

Oh, and by the way, it's Ricky's birthday, so go on over to the Bottle and do your thing.

Muppet Stamps

I don't use postage stamps as much as I used to. I pay as many bills as possible via auto-debit or credit card or online banking, and I tend to e-mail crappy animated birthday cards far more often than mailing crappy Hallmarks. Still, when I need to buy stamps, I get very picky. There aren't too many products in the world where you can specify something much nicer than what is offered and not have to pay a cent more. I can never understand why someone would take a roll of flags when they could have, say, a tribute to Jim Henson. I love these stamps! And I love that the eleventh stamp is Jim himself. And I really love his quote: "When I was young, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope is to leave the world a little bit better for my having been here." He sure did.

Geeklore + Politics = Perfect T-Shirt Slogan

I'm trying to guess whether any of my regular customers will get this (besides Pam, of course). Anyone? Anyone? Ferris? (Via Hanan)