Why I Love January

Those who've been following along at home may have wondered why I haven't mentioned my vision lately, or at the very least the status of my contacts or glasses. So here you go:

I saw Dr. Chang on September 5 and told him I liked the contacts he'd given me to try out on August 25. He wrote out the prescription for them and reexamined my new and improved hole-y eyes for glasses and gave me that prescription too. I ordered the contacts from 1-800-CONTACTS as usual and sat back to wait. And wait. And wait. I called to complain and the customer service rep said, "Well, I'm really sorry about this delay! According to what I see on my computer, that order is shipping out today and you should receive it tomorrow. But why don't I check on the status of the order at our distribution center and call you back. What's the best number to reach you at?" And then: Silence. Nothing. I waited. And waited. And waited.

I called again to express my displeasure. A different customer service rep said, "Well, I'm really sorry about this delay! According to what I see on my computer, that order is shipping out today and you should receive it tomorrow. But why don't I check on the status of the order at our distribution center and call you back. What's the best number to reach you at?" I said, "That sounds awfully familiar. How come you keep telling me it's going to ship and that you're going to call me but I never get them and you never call me?" He said, "I'm really sorry! Let me check again." You guessed it: Nothing. Again I waited. And waited. And waited.

(In the meantime, the contacts I'd been wearing for over a month were starting to get very grungy. They're meant to be worn for 2–4 weeks and then replaced. I've never worn disposables before; Dr. Chang said I would need to use lens rewetting drops throughout the day because the disposables are so much thinner and flimsier than the ones I've always worn. So although I could see, they were getting uncomfortably gluey.) (As opposed to comfortably gluey?)

On Saturday I called yet again. Lather, rinse, repeat; exact same story as before. This time the customer service rep said it would be shipping out Monday and I'd receive it Tuesday. Tuesday came and started to go; I called for the final time, planning to cancel my order. The customer service rep started in with "Well, I'm really sorry about this delay!" and I just blew my lid. "I know you're really sorry! You're all really sorry! Everyone who works there is really sorry! But I still don't have my contacts! And I've given out my phone number to everyone who works there and no one has ever called me back!" (At this point Andy is backing slowly out of the room with the kids, trying to shield their tender ears and eyes from this un-Mommy-like display.) I said, "I want you to cancel the order. I am not going to wait another day." The customer service rep said, "I know you have no reason to believe me based on what you've been through, but if you can hold on for a few more hours, I promise to get the bottom of this before the end of the day." I hesitated, she pleaded, I agreed.

Then she called me back! She said she'd found the problem! It's not worth going into (Ha! See! I can so leave out some details!), but apparently there was a problem at the distribution center where the shipping label would print (which is the information the customer service reps rely on) but then the contacts themselves were mis-shelved and couldn't be located, so the order would sit again. She said they had located 6 of the 8 boxes I was ordering and were just waiting on the other 2, because orders don't ship out piecemeal unless you request it. So I said, "If you can send me even one single lens for each eye, I'm set for a couple of weeks!" She said she would. She called me back later to tell me the order had shipped. She sent me an email to confirm it and provide my FedEx tracking number. I went to bed, hopeful.

At this point forces of the universe conspired against me; the package was scheduled to be delivered at 10:30 a.m. but still wasn't here by noon. Online tracking yielded no information, so I called FedEx. I was told that my package had missed the truck and was at the shipping hub; it would go on the next truck later in the afternoon. The customer service rep said that I could go pick it up myself instead, if I wished, so I said I would. She gave me directions to get there, and off I went. But oops! The package wasn't there after all! It had gotten on another truck! Sorry! So back home I go, fuming and muttering all the way.

And then, an hour or so later, my doorbell rang. And there it was! My package! With contact lenses inside! Contact lenses that fit and feel comfortable and help me see!

I won't further bore you with details of my glasses, which came in after a week but had a flaw in the anti-reflective coating, so back they went; it's been another week and they're still not in.

So...now you're sound asleep wondering why I love January? Because, believe it or not, January is the name of the customer service rep at 1-800-CONTACTS who restored my faith in humanity in general and in that company in particular. I have sent off an e-mail praising her (by name) and berating all the others (not by name).

Comments

[scott]

The customer service rep said that I could go pick it up myself ...But oops! The package wasn't there after all! ...And then, an hour or so later, my doorbell rang. And there it was!

Oh, I have SO been there. With me it was a pair of shoes and UPS.

[D]

I am glad you finally got your contacts. What an ordeal!

[Mark]

Boy, you really love-a love-a love-a your little calendar girl.

[Laura]

I am so glad you are set now! And I admire the way you speak out!

[Liz]

I have to say I found your rendition of the contact lense saga riviting. Really! I probably would have blown a gasket long before you threatened to cancel the order.