You, too, can spend $900 in one day with very nothing to show for it! You'll need to stay home all morning doing absolutely nothing (thereby missing your weekly gig volunteering in your second-grader's classroom) while waiting for workers to arrive, and then race around like a chicken with your head cut off all afternoon shuttling the kids about to their various appointments and activities. Here are the basic guidelines:
1. Have a leaky kitchen sink that turns out to be a dead disposal. Make sure you have the expensive "batch-feed" kind of disposal, and it helps if the new one doesn't quite fit without a little monkeying around. Try not to punch the plumber when he mentions the big new deck he just put on his house just as you're writing out his check.
2. Find an interior door of your house that doesn't have a lock and cause it to somehow get locked anyhow. It helps if the door leads somewhere important, like your mudroom (containing entire family's shoes and outerwear, kids' backpacks, laundry area, and only downstairs bathroom). Call a locksmith who will arrive an hour late, spend a total of 5 seconds using a magical gizmo to unlock the door, and charge you $95. Wonder how much magical gizmo costs to buy, and whether you should have bought one instead.
3. Have sealants applied to your second-grader's molars. Be sure you are not covered by any dental insurance!
4. Start your fourth-grader in a top-notch math tutoring program because everyone says this guy is a miracle worker (which is why he can charge so much).
5. Leave your preschooler for extended day so you can get the fourth-grader from math to Hebrew school (which isn't exactly free either, but at least you don't have to shell out the cash for it today) without having to cross town at the speed of light. (Note: Here is an opportunity to increase your day's spending, since preschool extended day is only $20. Perhaps you could hire a babysitter instead.)
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