The Platinum Rule

Many years ago, I attended a two-week-long management training seminar. A lot of it was surprisingly worthwhile, and I still remember some of it. Here's my favorite bit: The instructor said that we'd all been brought up with The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Right? Well, what if someone doesn't want to be treated the way you want to be treated, what then? She told us to consider The Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would have you do unto them. Think about it.

Here are some examples from the workplace:

1. You always like to be given an opportunity to speak at meetings, so you assume others do too. You thus call on someone else to give her opinion, and this person did not wish to speak, so she blushes and sputters something. She prefers to wait and think about everything she's heard before giving her opinion, and you've really put her on the spot and made her uncomfortable.

2. You like to be kept apprised of every little detail of what your subordinates are doing, so you assume that your boss does too. You tell him every little thing, until he's ready to tear his hair out. He'd prefer to just hear about the big things, or at least just the problems. He feels you're wasting his time.

3. When given a new project, you like to dive right in and discuss it with your boss. One of your subordinates, however, prefers to spend an hour or two alone, going over the files and jotting down questions, before discussing it with you. So when you plunk a project down on his desk and say, "Let's talk about this," he's caught off guard.

4. You keep your door open and welcome anyone who wants to walk right and ask you something. One of your colleagues, on the other hand, would much prefer a knock on the door before being interrupted.

And so on. You get the picture.

But here's the cool part: It applies to life too! Try these on for size:

1. You buy your friend a pair of long, wild, dangly earrings for her birthday. You wish you had them yourself! However, she usually wears pearls.

2. When you come home from work, you'd like a few minutes to decompress alone with the mail and a drink. So when your spouse comes home, you likewise give her some peace and quiet. However, she would prefer to start chatting and catching up right away, so she feels miffed.

3. You think it would be so much fun to have a surprise birthday party, so you plan one for your brother. But oops! He is the last person on earth who wants to be surprised about anything.

4. When you're sick, you want to be left alone. Period. So when your spouse is sick, you leave him alone. He, however, would prefer to be coddled and cared for.

See? It's easy. Now, granted, The Golden Rule still pretty much works for kids ("You wouldn't like to be called 'stupid,' so don't call him stupid." "You wouldn't like to be pinched, so don't pinch her."), but grownups need this new and improved rule. Treat people they way they want to be treated. Makes sense, no?

Comments

[Michelle]

Oh, that's me, it took me years to learn to stop buying gifts for people based on what I wanted rather than what they wanted. But luckily I HAVE figured it out and life is better.

[Anne Glamore]

This is great! I finally hit on the idea of keeping track of what people give me, so I can give them something similar, because they wouldn't give me a present they hated, right?

And I DO want to be coddled when I'm sick, but my hubby just wants to be left alone.