Some time ago I got Steph a copy of The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls because it's a really good introduction to all the things preteen girls need to know about their changing bodies (namely, getting hairy, smelly, and zitty). It talks about hygiene, nutrition, exercise, body image, eating disorders, getting a bra, and so on, all in an informative but inviting manner.
So why did I sit on it for so long? Because it also addresses the wonderful world of periods, which I just wasn't ready to talk about with her yet. That section of the book is really well done, with no mention of sex at all, so today I took my cues from there and just told her about it in terms of what would be going on in her body, with only the most basic explanation of why (since a baby won't be growing in your uterus, you won't need the extra-thick lining).
In the past she has wondered things like "Why did Mr. Jones have to have that special operation when Grace did, if boy cats can't have kittens?" and "Why do you always say we got our dimples from Daddy if we were in your tummy?"; I've always managed to fudge a reasonable-enough excuse and then run away, panting. Today, after my explanation of the "birds," which was met with an appropriate mix of fascination and revulsion, she did mention that she'd noticed that women don't seem to get pregnant until/unless they're married, and I just agreed that that's usually the way it works. I'm so not ready to do the "bees" portion of the program!
So she's been plowing through the book all afternoon, peppering me with questions and comments as she goes along. I've told her not to mention the period stuff to her friends just yet because their moms will want to explain it to them personally. Soon enough, that'll be all they're talking about anyhow. Sigh.
My daughter did NOT want to talk to me about any of this, so I got her What's Happening to My Body For Girls. My friends who happened to be the moms of her friends gave their girls the same book. So they all read it ragged and talked about it. Then I waited until I had her as a captive audience...in the car, just the two of us, long drive...and we had "the talk". But she was more comfortable because my eyes were on the road. I probably gave that to her when she was 10 and she just got her period at 13 (somewhat of a late bloomer). But she actually PRACTICED with tampons before she ever got her period because she knew she would not like pads!!!
Posted by: di | January 20, 2007 at 06:50 PM
There was this super book intended for quite young kids that was considered rather controversial at the time (back in the very early 90s) and what I especially remember about it was that the inside and outside glued down pages (to the hard cover) were of really funny cartoony sperm with big ol' eyes. The whole book was cartoony, but also matter-of-fact, and so Nate even learned about the Bee part when he was around 5 years old from me reading him that book. Over the years, we revisited that book often. It really did make it so that when he got older, the subject matter was very comfortable between us. I also knew when he was 5 that I was going to be a single mom for who knew how long, so I wanted to be sure he understood the WOMEN'S point of view (like "no" means "no", etc.) All kids are different -- Nate was never shy about asking me very pointed questions. But it also never bothered me to answer (like it did my own mother). I like to think I would have been the same way if I'd had a daughter. My way of thinking was to deal with it sooner rather than later (and along the way) so that it wouldn't be difficult later. I got flack from some people about my "liberal" attitudes, but what's ironic is that at approaching 21, Nate is still a virgin -- he recently told me this and he's not altogether happy about it, but I think it says something about some of the women's points of view I've instilled in him. He's aware that being too casual about it can hurt people, and he wants to be in a serious relationship first. Sorry this is so long -- it really got me thinking back!
Posted by: Tonya | January 20, 2007 at 11:09 PM
When Arinn and I talked about everything I could see from her expression at one point that she finally understood. Her face scrunched up and she said, "Ewwww. You and Daddy did that twice?!" It was so difficult to keep a straight face.
Posted by: Karen P. | January 21, 2007 at 03:06 AM
My philosophy has always been to answer all questions no matter the age of the asker. The catch is to just answer enough to satisfy. "Where do babies come from?" gets a far different answer when asked by a 4 year old than a 9 year old. We also got a book to help my daughter understand when she was 8 or 9. It had birds and bees and she ate it up.
What about having the safe sex talk when your child is getting to be that age? That's what I've been thinking about lately.
Posted by: scott | January 21, 2007 at 02:42 PM