"And Then Everyone Thought About Dying"

It's been eons since I've read anything funnier or more spot-on than the Raymond Carver Mad Libs. First fill out this list, and then plug your responses into the mock-RC story.

1. man’s name
2. bad job
3. woman’s name
4. slightly better job
5. bad feeling
6. -ing verb plus activity
7. verb plus bad decision
8. smokable thing
9. alcoholic drink
10. a different bad feeling
11. question that’s a cliché
12. terse, uncommunicative response
13. another, different bad feeling
14. a bad, dreary place
15. description of a car
16. verb that is an activity
17. greeting
18. unfriendly reply
19. angry sarcastic question
20. a really bad place
21. way of saying good bye
22. another bad place
23. another alcoholic drink
24. unusual object
25. -ing verb plus activity
26. another smokable thing
27. another alcoholic drink
28. expletive
29. made-up word
30. another expletive
31. infinitive verb

If you've read any Raymond Carver at all, even his shortest short story (Which one is that? I don't know.), you'll appreciate this.

Comments

[Karan]

The Thigh Master

Adam was a toad counter. But Karen, his wife, was a toll both operator. This made Adam feel guilty. One night after squatting, he decided to jab and pierce his tongue. After putting out his crack pipe and finishing his appletini, Adam felt regret.

He said to his wife, "What's better? "

Karen said, "Humph."

This made Adam feel shame and he left her and went to the dank, cold basement. While he was there, he saw a woman. She looked like speed on wheels. He decided to craft with her.

"Howdy," he said.

"Stuff eggs," she said.

"Are you stupid?" he said.

"Go to jail," she said.

I'm already there, he thought. But he said, "Audios mi amiga."

After that, he left. He walked to the tar pits. On the way, he stopped to buy Everclear. But instead he saw something he hadn't expected. It was a Thigh Master. He surprised himself by stealing the Thigh Master. The shop ownder didn't notice. He was too busy sitting to notice.

He took the Thigh Master home and showed it to Karen, who was just putting out her cigar and finishing her Macedonian Ale.

"What the shit is that?" she said.

"It's my Jimaroogabang."

What the chichi is a Jimaroogabang?" she said.

"This," he said. And with that he used the Thigh Master to think.

[TwoBusy]

That's beyond outstanding.