Cubicle Days

The fine folks at Mental Floss pose this question: In honor of Labor Day, who was your all-time worst co-worker?

Because it says co-worker, I'll save for another day a profile of my toxic boss. Yes, you could argue that even a boss is a co-worker, but not this one.

So my worst co-worker had to be this icky guy who sat next to me for many years. He wasn't a bad person, he just smelled that way. Or at least his lunch did. He usually brought some form of leftovers that stunk up the place when he reheated them in the microwave. Although sometimes he brought a cold lunch; I know this because one day I overheard him on the phone berating his wife for putting the items in his sandwich out of order. He was also a smoker who had one of those persistent coughs that sound like a hairball trying to get out.

He was majorly OCD, always doing everything in the exact same way at the exact same time, whether it was taking his coffee break or phoning his wife. He also had rigged up all these bizarre office accoutrement, my favorite being his Liquid Paper holster. He used masking tape to affix a 35mm film canister to his office wall at a 45° angle, just to the right of his desk. Securely sheathed inside was his bottle of Liquid Paper, so he could be ready to wipe out offending typos at any moment. I used to joke, more than a little warily, that he was the type to show up one day with a chainsaw and do us all in.

Then I got a promotion into a real office! With a door! And a window! Bye-bye, weird guy.

Comments

[scott]

Hey, I thought we agreed that the whiteout holster was a pretty good idea!

[Karen]

I was just humoring you, fearing you also had a chainsaw.

[Elena]

My worst co-worker was probably this weird-looking little guy. It was hard to feel any sympathy for him because he was also very nasty and devious. He had disgusting habits like sticking pencils in his ears when he was talking to you. Once, the eraser came off inside his ear and he had to go to the company nurse to get it out! Ah, those were good times!

[mommyralf]

Jeeez, a trip down Bad Memory Lane. Thanks a lot.

It's a tie: the creepy Vietnam vet with the Barney Fife swagger at the pet shop, where I quit after a week, and The Woman Who Would't Shut Up. Congratulations to you both.

[Lauren]

Life is about moments and I had a cool one when I read this post and realized, hey, I know exactly who the weird guy is. And I'm married to him! No, no, no, just kidding. I had forgotten the Liquid Paper holster--that detail brought back a wave of queasy memories.