Free-Range Kids

You've probably all heard the hullabaloo caused by New York Sun columnist Lenore Skenazy, who wrote an op-ed last week called "Here's Your MetroCard, Kid," in which she describes allowing her 9-year-old to ride the NYC subway alone. Talk about touching a nerve! There are people who are practically calling for DSS to take her kid away.

I can see both sides of the issue. On the one hand, I believe whole-heartedly that people fear the wrong things when it comes to their kids (and to everything, really—consider the fact that many more people die in car crashes than airplane crashes, but more people fear flying than riding in a car). Again and again, statistics show overwhelmingly that crimes against children are perpetrated by people known to the kid's family: relatives, "friends," neighbors, teachers, priests, babysitters, coaches, etc. Those rare, terrifying stories of kids being abducted by total strangers make for splashy headlines, but they don't really teach parents about how to keep their kids safe.

I don't live in New York, so I don't know how safe that particular route of the subway system is. But, more importantly, I don't know Skenazy's kid, so I can't judge whether he was ready to go it alone (but it sure sounds as though he was). At what age is your kid ready? If not 9, then 10? 11? 17? You decide, not everyone else. (I do wonder about the fact that she didn't give him a cell phone because he might lose it, but she didn't fear he'd lose his MetroCard or money, but, hey....)

There are things I let my kids do that other parents don't yet, and vice-versa. I let Steph walk with a friend the half-mile to Starbucks. I don't let her walk outside after dark. I will leave all three kids or any two of them or just Steph or just Pete home alone if I have to run a quick errand. I haven't yet let Steph go to the movies or the mall alone with a friend, but that'll probably start next year in middle school. (In truth, she hasn't asked to do it yet, which is key.)

Skenazy has started a blog called Free-Range Kids, aiming to encourage parents to lighten up a bit. Her point: Yes, life is a little more complicated and dangerous than it was when we were growing up, but that doesn't mean that kids have to be led around on a leash until their eighteenth birthdays.

Comments

[scott]

I think too many middle-class parents are way to uptight about this stuff. Many's the time when I walked up and down my suburban street hollering for one or both of my kids because they'd been outside at play all afternoon and hadn't yet come back. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Explicitly protecting kids with restrictions and your own presence has its obvious place. But another kind of protection is teaching them not to be afraid of the world.

[Di]

The big issue here is a woman who wants Spencer's to rope off the raunchy stuff and require ID to enter that part of the store. She's worried about her kids being exposed to a keychain that makes orgasm sounds. I think if she's that worried, 1) she shouldn't let her kid go to the mall; 2) she should forbid her kid from going to Spencer's and 3) parent her own child instead of asking Spencer's to do it for her.

[Margaret]

Trying to completely protect one's children can really backfire. 1. They will rebel! 2. It is impossible to do so. 3. It doesn't help them become functional in the real world. For example (using the above comment as a guide), listening to a keychain that makes orgasm sounds is not going to make a kid run out and have sex. Good grief.