Custom GPS Devices

Yesterday over at Twitter, BadBanana suggested this:

To which I replied:

That got me thinking. Here's what a GPS created by my father-in-law would sound like:

"And then you want to go a couple of miles and there's a left in there ... you don't want to go all the way to the end...."

And a GPS designed by me, specifically for trips into Charlestown:

"Now, remember that turn you always miss? It's coming up. Get all the way over to the left. The left! Now! Oh man, you are such a loser. OK, now you'll have to get all the way to the right because you're going to have to get off the highway and turn around. Oh, you want to go through scenic Chelsea again? Honestly, I don't know how you got your license...."

Can you think of any others?

Comments

[Mir]

Boston-area GPS: Navigates your way point-to-point based solely upon Dunkin Donuts locations as landmarkers.

;)

(I've also often said that instead of saying "recalculating" when I screw up, my GPS should become southern and say "Bless your heart!" before telling me the route modification.)

[Susan]

Reminds me of my brother's post on how his GPS reminds him of his wife - http://www.scsv.nevada.edu/~susanb/jblog/archives/001585.html

[Di]

Here's my GPS as I drive to Cary (aka Containment Area for Relocated Yankees):

Slow down now. Remember all the people you know who have gotten tickets since they changed the speed limit to 35 on Sunset Lake.

In .3 miles the call you are on will drop because there's a f-ing cell phone black hole smack dab in the middle of Kildaire Farm.

Oh crap...you just went through that probably-not-still-yellow light. You idiot! Don't you remember that they have cameras taking pictures at intersections in Cary.

You hate Cary...turn around and drive the 9.2 miles back home.

[Elena]

I can never tell my left from my right. I know the difference, I just have a hard time with those labels for some reason. So my GPS would say "At the next corner, turn left....Right! I mean left! No, right!! That way! Go that way!!!" It drives my husband nuts when I try to give him directions when we're driving. (I can't understand why!)

[steve]

GPS doesn't work well in my family because Cliff is unable to remember to get AN ADDRESS!

The green house on the left just past the gate with a "J" just doesn't cut it.

I could, however, imagine the "my mother" GPS:

Slow down, you're going too fast. Are you saving your money? Wasn't that the turn? Is this seat heater on? It's hot in here. Is that what you call a complete stop? You need to pay attention! Hand me my purse...

[James]

The Bush/McCain GPS that just repeats "stay the course... stay the course" regardless of where you are or what milestone you've passed.

When you try to enter a destination for your trip, it crashes with a message that reads "If I let you do that, the terrorist will have won."