This Really Happened

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, in 1958 to be exact, a Woman met a Man and they fell in love. The Woman was only 18, however, and the Man was not only much older, but also married with two kids. Still, they began a relationship.

In 1959 the Woman found out she was pregnant. The Man did not want to leave his family, so he and the Woman broke up. In October, a Baby Boy was born, and the Woman wanted to keep him. She allowed him to be taken into foster care while she tried to get a job, scrape together some money, and find an apartment. Every Saturday for eight months she went to the foster home to spend the day with the Baby Boy. In June of 1960, however, she realized that she could not give the Baby Boy the kind of life she wanted him to have, so she reluctantly surrendered him for adoption.

In August of 1960, the Baby Boy was adopted by a couple who wanted children more than anything. They had already adopted a baby girl the previous year. They gave their daughter and son all the love in the world. The Boy grew up happy and healthy and loved. He never thought much about his birth parents; he just knew that someone once loved him enough to give him the gift of this wonderful family and wonderful life.

Meanwhile, the Man and the Woman did not see each other again. The Woman met and married another man in 1963 and they had two children. It was not a happy marriage, though, and they divorced.

In 1977, totally by chance, the Man and the Woman happened to meet on the street, for the first time in all those years. The Man was still married, and had had three more children in the interim. But he was also still in love with the Woman, and they started up their relationship again. This time the Man divorced his wife, and in 1986, the Man and the Woman were finally married. Also in 1986, the Boy met a Girl, and they fell in love. They got married in 1988.

In 1990, the Man and the Woman joined a group that helps reunite birth parents and adopted children. The group easily found the Boy’s new name and address for them. The Woman wrote a letter to the Boy, saying that she felt terrible guilt and pain about giving him up for adoption and that she wanted to meet him. The Boy was stunned. He did not know what to think or what to do. He found it easier to do nothing at all, so the Girl (who was an editor) helped him write a letter back, saying that he did not want to meet. He assured the Woman that he had a very happy life and did not blame her or hate her for giving him up. He asked that the Woman respect his wish for privacy.

The Woman was crushed, but she did what the Boy asked. However, she continued to send cards throughout every year—for the Boy’s birthday, for Rosh Hashanah, for any holiday she could think of—and she gently mentioned each time that she hoped he was well, and that someday they could meet. Every few years the Girl would ask the Boy if he thought he might want to finally meet them, but he said he did not. In 2008, the Woman asked for a photo. The Boy and the Girl decided that she had been very respectful of their wishes, so they sent a photo of themselves and their three children. Every now and then the Girl would say to the Boy, “I’m afraid that someday you are going to pick up the newspaper and read about one of them in the obituaries, and you might regret that you never met them.” The Boy thought about this but did not feel ready.

In December of 2010, the Woman sent a Hanukkah card, and asked for a new photo. As they were looking for a good one to send, the Boy said to the Girl, “I wish I could see a photo of them, but I don’t want to ask.” They began to talk again about meeting them. This time the Boy started to warm to the idea. He realized that this could be the greatest gift he might ever give to another person. He also, understandably, had some curiosity about them, although not enough that he would ever have sought them out on his own. The Boy knew that his parents would be supportive of him and not feel threatened, as his sister had met her birth parents some years earlier.

The Girl helped the Boy write another letter, this time suggesting that they all finally meet to chat and share photos. The Woman phoned the Girl, and they spoke for a very long time. The Woman said that she had never given up hope, but she was starting to wonder if she ever would get to meet him. They spoke again the next day and arranged a meeting for the following week at a coffee shop. The Woman again said she hoped the Boy didn’t hate her—she was probably thinking that had to be the reason he didn’t want to meet her for all these years—but the Girl assured her that he did not have any negative feelings toward her whatsoever, and never had.

The night before the meeting, the Boy and the Girl were a bundle of nerves and emotions. The Girl thought that the Woman was probably in even worse shape, so she called her to assure her that everything was going to be fine the next day.

The big day finally came, and the Boy and the Girl arrived first. They watched the door, not knowing what to expect, since they’d never seen a photo. When the Woman walked in, the Girl spotted her immediately—it was easy to pick her out because she looked like the Boy! The Girl waved her over, and the Woman and the Boy had a very long and tearful hug. The Man came in behind her, and then the hugs went all around.

They got a table in the back and began to talk. The Woman and the Man had brought photos of them when they were younger. There were photos of the Man when he was the Boy’s age now, and the resemblance was striking. There were photos of the Boy’s seven half-siblings, but there was little or no resemblance there. The Girl couldn’t stop staring at the Man and the Woman, picking out features on each of their faces that reminded her of the Boy.

The Girl had scanned and printed a few photos of the Boy when he was little. They had only three photos from the time he was in foster care. The Woman wept when she saw these, because that was how she remembered him. She said that she had taken lots of photos of him during those eight months, but her mother had seen fit to destroy them all. The Girl also gave them photos of the Boy as a teenager and as an adult, and photos of their children.

They talked for more than two hours. The Boy and the Girl wanted to know all the details of their very unusual story, and the Woman wanted to know everything about the Boy and what he was like. The Woman wiped away tears a few times, but mostly she smiled and clasped the Boy’s hands, as if she couldn’t believe he was real. The Man was not as emotional or talkative as the Woman, but he provided some information too, and was clearly very supportive of—and crazy about—his wife.

Finally, they got ready to leave, having exchanged stories and photos, and with promises to stay in touch. The Boy and the Girl left feeling very glad they had done this. That evening they invited the Boy’s parents over for dinner to show them the photos and tell them the whole story.

And now I'm telling it to you.

Comments

[James]

What an interesting story!

I imagine that I would have felt much the same as the Boy did; I would have wanted my privacy, but curiosity would have warmed me to the idea eventually, especially after considering how much it might mean to the Woman. But it would have taken a long while.

Thanks for sharing.

[Diane Fischler]

Wow. Wow. Chills up my spine. Amazing story. Thanks for sharing with all of us. Do the kids know about this? If so, how did they react? If not, will you tell them?

[twitter.com/mhgatti]

Wow. What a great story! Thanks for sharing.

[Elena]

And what was the boy's parents' reaction?

[Liz]

What a wonderful story!

[Seth Lipkin]

That is beyond awesome. Thank you for sharing with all of us. :'-)

[Tonya Watkins]

Oh wow, I'm all teary! (And what an incredible twist to the story that the Man and the Woman eventually got together. I don't think that happens very often in these situations).

[Margaret]

This is an amazing story. I was riveted by it. I'm glad that everyone got to meet.

[amy]

Great writing Karen, this was lovely to read.

[debbie @ words to eat by]

What a beautiful story, and beautifully told. I'm curious about how your kids & his parents responded, too--will there be a part II?

[Rachel K.]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unbelievable!

[Karen]

The kids do know, but how much they really "get" is another story. It doesn't seem odd to them that the Man and the Woman are married now!

The Boy's parents think it's great. My MIL even thanked me for finally encouraging the Boy to do it.

[Elisson]

A warm, big-hearted story. I thank the Girl for sharing this little piece of her life (and the Boy's life) with us!

[Sheryl]

Thanks for sharing this amazing story with us!

[Sandy]

Oh, Karen. This is really something. Thank you for sharing it with us, and so beautifully.

[Sandy]

PS And perhaps this story would not have unfolded as it did without the love and wisdom of the Girl. Bravo.

[Wendy]

Golly, Karen. I think that's a marvelous -- in all senses -- tale. I wish everyone in it lots of happiness. And I wonder how the story may continue.

[Nancy]

Beautiful, Karen.

[judy]

Well, Shu. Finally! Must have been a trip. I can only imagine a tiny bit what it was like - from when I met my sisters. They seemed so familiar to me in a very strange, but good, way. I'd love to see the Man and Woman's photo. I can only imagine how wonderful it was for the Man and Woman.

[Steve]

That's a lovely story.. and a real mitzvah! Thank you for sharing it!

[Janice]

Karen, wow! That's all I can say right now! Wow!

[Jonathan]

Just a great, heartfelt and heartwarming story - thanks for sharing!

[TwoBusy]

Karen: what an amazing - and movingly told - story. That was fantastic. So happy that Andy (and you) were able to experience this.

[Kelly]

What a lovely story, and told perfectly. How very supportive and thoughtful the Girl has been. Nice to hear of a positive experience. Made me a little weepy.

[Conor]

Amazing, amazing, amazing!

[Ellen Kimball]

What a beautiful account, Karen! You are an amazing facilitator and a fantastic writer. I believe everyone should know their biological heritage, even in cases of adoption. In the 1970s, I was proud to work with Orphan Voyage, one of the first organizations to facilitate birthparents meeting their children. Hope you and your extended family have a wonderful holiday season. Cordially, Ellen (on travel in Hong Kong, CHINA)

[sharon]

That is a fantastic story. Thanks for sharing!

[Jo]

How fabulous! In fact so fabulous that you made me de-lurk after all these years!

[Jo]

Aaaagh. Karen, what's happened to your recipes????? I need to make stuffing and yours is our favourite but it's not coming up. Help.
(I am now positively de-lurked!!)

[Susan]

I'm glad I came over to see what you've been writing. I usually rely on you post from facebook but realized I hadn't seen one lately.

What a great, touching story!

[Brooke]

Chills.....still, five minutes after reading it.
I'm so glad he met them; I agree that I think he would have regretted it had he not.